Thank you lord for days that seem endless...
Thank you for forgiving me because I know I'm not sinless.
Thank you for the blessings you have given me
Thank you for the troubles whatever they may be.
Thank you for my children each and everyone...
Thank you for the pain, thank you for the fun.
Thank you for the tears that heal and take away
Thank you lord for each and every day.
The good the bad, the happy the sad.
Each day it a new promise from you lord that I can try again,
that no matter how bad the day before was a new day can begin.
Thank you for walking with me each and every day,
Thank you for always having time to listen lord when I pray.
Thank you for my spouse even when we don't get along
Thank you for the music and giving my heart a new song.
Thank you for my family and friends though we might be far apart,
Thank you lord most of all for coming into my heart.
Thank you for your sacrifice thank you for what you gave
Thank you for not being there when the stone was moved from your grave.
But most of all I thank you lord for loving someone like me
for restoring my vision when I was lost and couldn't see.
For filling my heart with forgiveness and love
that could have only came from you above.
Thank you lord for all you do
make me less like me and more like you.
Lord help to do your will and always do whats right
to always let your love shine through me like a bright shining light.
---- Lori Metayer
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Words Hurt Worse Than Sticks And Stones
It has been said "Sticks and Stones my break my bones but words will never hurt me", this saying couldn't be any further from the truth! To be honest as someone who has been in abusive situations, bullied as a child and married to an abusive husband (my ex not my hubby), I have to say I have shaken the physical pain a lot easier than the words that have been said to me through the years. Words DO hurt a lot worse than hitting am I saying go kick someones behind NO NO NO! We all should respect one another. Not one human being is better than another GOD loves us ALL not just you, or you, and not just me but EVERYONE the saints and the sinners, the good and the bad! His son was sent to die for each of us not just a select few! I can remember every single insult hurled at me growing up by my classmates, by my own grandfather most day's I'm good with it I have forgiven but they still bring tears to my eyes because words cut much deeper when I think about it and that usually happens when I have to deal with other kids being less than nice to my children, because I can relate to how they feel I know their pain so I hurt for them not for Lori I'm a grown woman now who can deal with almost anything life throws at me because of how I grew up and because of my experiences but I hurt for my kids and for other children too. Childhood shouldn't hurt it should be some of the most fun times of your life. My experience has built me up, made me stronger, made me more understanding of others and has given me wisdom in situations that I needed it.
But I can tell you today that I'd rather take on any pain for my children so they would never have to hurt of suffer because of others meanness! Are we really that wrapped up as parents in ourselves or our busy lives to not teach our children right from wrong, to correct them when they hurt others it don't have to be physical hurt but emotional hurt it all should always be addressed and corrected CHILDREN can not just be left to make the choices to do the right thing on their own it takes PARENTS stepping up and telling them what is right, what is wrong and correcting them!
I have dealt with stuff with my older two that I wouldn't wish on anyone because of the actions of other people's children! My oldest who probably will get mad at me for sharing this but I have to share it because I have to show others just how bad bullying is my oldest, has tried to OD on medication before, she use to be a cutter as well as a parent some of you will never know how much that hurt me to see her feel so bad because of other people this is my baby she isn't perfect but she is MINE my flesh and blood and others making her feel less than what she is something that hurt me so deeply my baby I carried her for nine months and gave birth to her and she didn't feel her life was worth living because of OTHER PEOPLES CHILDREN! Praise God she doesn't do this anymore she has her moments she has a lot of anger built up over the years but we are working on that together she has a better understanding of herself and I believe a better understanding of God's love for her and I hope she never goes down that path again because she is loved and she is wanted and I will never stand for anyone making her feel inferior! In recent months I have dealt with my 14 year old being bullied and this from people she thought were friends I think this hurts worse than someone who never said they were your friends. Rumor mills and Burn Pages on facebook are BAD things I urge parents who have kids on facebook PLEASE check who your child is friends with! Someone posted something so mean about her on there about her I watched my baby girl curl in a ball and cry as if her heart was breaking and heard her say a familiar phrase I want to die...anger, hurt for her welled up in my heart she is my flesh I too carried her for 9 months and have loved her her WHOLE life. Some parents know the pain of dealing with hearing these words come out of their children's mouth and again I wouldn't even wish this on the parents of the kids inflicting the pain, this is more hurt and more pain than being picked on myself this is my baby and God intrust ME to take care of her and protect her. Thankfully God has given me the strength to pull it together many occasions and hold my babies and love them through their pain and tell them to pray for those who hurt them because they need all the prayer they can get! To forgive the ones that hurt them, to accept their selves for who they are and to know they are loved, they are special they are cared for. It doesn't matter if the world accepts them, it don't matter if so and so will be their friend popularity is highly over rated now being your own person is where it's at don't let others ever define you you define yourself. You live for what God wants you to do with your life and God never wants you to throw your life away over the ignorant words of another human being! Life is precious and fleeting make the most of your life! The advice I give my kids I would give anyone and it seems to be doing good. My children no longer give anybodies words power over their lives. My children are growing more secure in who they are. I have long had a theory that bullies, bully people simply because somewhere deep down there is something they feel inferior about something that is wrong with them that they don't want anyone to notice, I have had that theory validated just the other week when Adreanna came home and said mommy you know that boy that picked on me last year well I had to work with him in Science class today we had to do some reading together and mommy he can't read hardly this boy is in the 8th grade and can barely read that in itself is sad. She said mommy you were right about what you said about bullies, I said well you didn't laugh at him did you she said no mommy I helped him! My daughter is turning into a wonderful, loving and accepting person both of them are. When they are my age I imagine they will be stronger than I am now. I wish more parents took the time to care about their own children, and to correct their own children when they say and do harmful things to others. We live in a society where everyone is always on the go too busy to slow down, too busy to teach their children and correct them, some are just too self absorbed. But my greatest blessings are my babies and I'll never be too busy to listen to them, and in the same token I will never be too busy to correct them either, my kids are not perfect by any means but I will correct them if I find they are causing another human being pain I don't take that lightly. What spurred this blog of sorts another young life is gone all because of the others being cruel and vicious with their words. Another set of parents will lay their child to rest and a parent should never know the pain of burying a child that's my thoughts it has to be one of the single most painful things a parent can experience I pray to God that my kids know they are loved and it's okay to be whoever they are that I will love them and I will accept them. I hope my kids will never give anyone and their words that much power over their lives I pray that God will keep them strong and that they will understand that they are special that they don't have to be carbon copies of other peoples idea of perfect.
But I can tell you today that I'd rather take on any pain for my children so they would never have to hurt of suffer because of others meanness! Are we really that wrapped up as parents in ourselves or our busy lives to not teach our children right from wrong, to correct them when they hurt others it don't have to be physical hurt but emotional hurt it all should always be addressed and corrected CHILDREN can not just be left to make the choices to do the right thing on their own it takes PARENTS stepping up and telling them what is right, what is wrong and correcting them!
I have dealt with stuff with my older two that I wouldn't wish on anyone because of the actions of other people's children! My oldest who probably will get mad at me for sharing this but I have to share it because I have to show others just how bad bullying is my oldest, has tried to OD on medication before, she use to be a cutter as well as a parent some of you will never know how much that hurt me to see her feel so bad because of other people this is my baby she isn't perfect but she is MINE my flesh and blood and others making her feel less than what she is something that hurt me so deeply my baby I carried her for nine months and gave birth to her and she didn't feel her life was worth living because of OTHER PEOPLES CHILDREN! Praise God she doesn't do this anymore she has her moments she has a lot of anger built up over the years but we are working on that together she has a better understanding of herself and I believe a better understanding of God's love for her and I hope she never goes down that path again because she is loved and she is wanted and I will never stand for anyone making her feel inferior! In recent months I have dealt with my 14 year old being bullied and this from people she thought were friends I think this hurts worse than someone who never said they were your friends. Rumor mills and Burn Pages on facebook are BAD things I urge parents who have kids on facebook PLEASE check who your child is friends with! Someone posted something so mean about her on there about her I watched my baby girl curl in a ball and cry as if her heart was breaking and heard her say a familiar phrase I want to die...anger, hurt for her welled up in my heart she is my flesh I too carried her for 9 months and have loved her her WHOLE life. Some parents know the pain of dealing with hearing these words come out of their children's mouth and again I wouldn't even wish this on the parents of the kids inflicting the pain, this is more hurt and more pain than being picked on myself this is my baby and God intrust ME to take care of her and protect her. Thankfully God has given me the strength to pull it together many occasions and hold my babies and love them through their pain and tell them to pray for those who hurt them because they need all the prayer they can get! To forgive the ones that hurt them, to accept their selves for who they are and to know they are loved, they are special they are cared for. It doesn't matter if the world accepts them, it don't matter if so and so will be their friend popularity is highly over rated now being your own person is where it's at don't let others ever define you you define yourself. You live for what God wants you to do with your life and God never wants you to throw your life away over the ignorant words of another human being! Life is precious and fleeting make the most of your life! The advice I give my kids I would give anyone and it seems to be doing good. My children no longer give anybodies words power over their lives. My children are growing more secure in who they are. I have long had a theory that bullies, bully people simply because somewhere deep down there is something they feel inferior about something that is wrong with them that they don't want anyone to notice, I have had that theory validated just the other week when Adreanna came home and said mommy you know that boy that picked on me last year well I had to work with him in Science class today we had to do some reading together and mommy he can't read hardly this boy is in the 8th grade and can barely read that in itself is sad. She said mommy you were right about what you said about bullies, I said well you didn't laugh at him did you she said no mommy I helped him! My daughter is turning into a wonderful, loving and accepting person both of them are. When they are my age I imagine they will be stronger than I am now. I wish more parents took the time to care about their own children, and to correct their own children when they say and do harmful things to others. We live in a society where everyone is always on the go too busy to slow down, too busy to teach their children and correct them, some are just too self absorbed. But my greatest blessings are my babies and I'll never be too busy to listen to them, and in the same token I will never be too busy to correct them either, my kids are not perfect by any means but I will correct them if I find they are causing another human being pain I don't take that lightly. What spurred this blog of sorts another young life is gone all because of the others being cruel and vicious with their words. Another set of parents will lay their child to rest and a parent should never know the pain of burying a child that's my thoughts it has to be one of the single most painful things a parent can experience I pray to God that my kids know they are loved and it's okay to be whoever they are that I will love them and I will accept them. I hope my kids will never give anyone and their words that much power over their lives I pray that God will keep them strong and that they will understand that they are special that they don't have to be carbon copies of other peoples idea of perfect.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Pro Choice Or Pro Life
Well, here I am thinking again and feeling the need to write I like writing it helps get my thoughts out off of my mind and out there where I can see them, and where others can see them as well cause who knows maybe something I say may help someone else and well if something I say helps even one person then that's an extraordinary thing.
I was watching a video a friend posted today about a lady who's mother tried to have an abortion when she was expecting her at like around 7 months gestation. Amazingly this woman survived, God had other plans that much I am certain of! Life is a gift it really is I know there are those who scoff at that thought but those are the ones that I do pray for because they don't see how miraculous life is.
I myself have been on the pro-choice side for the greatest amount of my life, you'd think I wouldn't be but I always said well there are sometimes where it should be left up to the person like in cases of rape, incest, life endangerment and etc. I do not sit in judgement of those who make the choice that is God's place to judge them mind you. I though however feel my stance on the subject shifting some. If people knew my story my whole story they'd be amazed at how on earth I could have ever been pro-choice.
So lets go back to the end of 1973/1974 my mother found out she was expecting me, I was one of 4 or 5 pregnancy's of my mothers I was the last one. My older brother was her first born he survived he is also 14 years older than me, but between us there was another brother who was born early and died, and 1 or 2 other miscarriages, then me. My mother's doctor didn't hold out a lot of hope for me, he diagnosed my mother with possible cervical cancer and told her an abortion was her best choice because she was risking her life for a baby who probably wouldn't make it, wouldn't weigh more than 2 or 3 pounds and wouldn't be able to breath. My mother's doctor had my father talked into it because well he didn't want to lose her and lose me as well, I don't fault my father for how he felt I love him tremendously as he loves me as well but given the track record with my mom and the low survival rate I can see where either of them would have felt this choice was an option especially with her life in the balance. Mom told them to do what ever test they needed to do but an abortion was not anything she would be entertaining because this was her last chance at having one more baby that if God wanted her to have me she would. All though out her pregnancy she prayed, others prayed and she believed. Mind you my parents didn't attend a church the only thing close to what she had as a church or church family were a set of Jehovah Witnesses that did come around and study with her out of the Bible and prayed for her and even brought her meals on occasions out of the kindness of their hearts. Mind you mama was brought up Baptist too, but she so much like me accepts people for who they are while holding on to what she believes and who she is. So mom managed to make it to the date her c section was scheduled, the operating room was filled with doctors and nurses my incubator cause I was going to need it and all sorts of breathing tubes and etc I would need because I wasn't going to be able to do anything on my own I would need all these medical gadgets to sustain my life. At 5:01PM I was taken from my mothers body on August 12,1974 I was breathing on my own, I weighed around 8lbs and I was healthy amidst astonished doctors who had me down for the count, who didn't believe I'd ever make it into this world and if I did I'd struggle. But my mother believed and she felt I was worth the chance she would take with her own life. She risked it all for me, sometimes I don't feel I do enough to make her proud of me, however I know she is I feel there is more I should be doing, but what..I don't know. I'm seeking God for this answer I know it was him that blessed me with my life the one that helped my mother carry me to term. I know it is all his doing. My mother willing to lay her life down for me, his son laying his life down for me, I feel humbled, I feel unworthy yet driven to find a greater purpose driven to tell others what God has done for me even when I do feel unworthy. Life period end of discussion is a miracle nothing less than that, I'll never ever fault anyone for the choices they make I just ask them to think about it there are other options.
I was watching a video a friend posted today about a lady who's mother tried to have an abortion when she was expecting her at like around 7 months gestation. Amazingly this woman survived, God had other plans that much I am certain of! Life is a gift it really is I know there are those who scoff at that thought but those are the ones that I do pray for because they don't see how miraculous life is.
I myself have been on the pro-choice side for the greatest amount of my life, you'd think I wouldn't be but I always said well there are sometimes where it should be left up to the person like in cases of rape, incest, life endangerment and etc. I do not sit in judgement of those who make the choice that is God's place to judge them mind you. I though however feel my stance on the subject shifting some. If people knew my story my whole story they'd be amazed at how on earth I could have ever been pro-choice.
So lets go back to the end of 1973/1974 my mother found out she was expecting me, I was one of 4 or 5 pregnancy's of my mothers I was the last one. My older brother was her first born he survived he is also 14 years older than me, but between us there was another brother who was born early and died, and 1 or 2 other miscarriages, then me. My mother's doctor didn't hold out a lot of hope for me, he diagnosed my mother with possible cervical cancer and told her an abortion was her best choice because she was risking her life for a baby who probably wouldn't make it, wouldn't weigh more than 2 or 3 pounds and wouldn't be able to breath. My mother's doctor had my father talked into it because well he didn't want to lose her and lose me as well, I don't fault my father for how he felt I love him tremendously as he loves me as well but given the track record with my mom and the low survival rate I can see where either of them would have felt this choice was an option especially with her life in the balance. Mom told them to do what ever test they needed to do but an abortion was not anything she would be entertaining because this was her last chance at having one more baby that if God wanted her to have me she would. All though out her pregnancy she prayed, others prayed and she believed. Mind you my parents didn't attend a church the only thing close to what she had as a church or church family were a set of Jehovah Witnesses that did come around and study with her out of the Bible and prayed for her and even brought her meals on occasions out of the kindness of their hearts. Mind you mama was brought up Baptist too, but she so much like me accepts people for who they are while holding on to what she believes and who she is. So mom managed to make it to the date her c section was scheduled, the operating room was filled with doctors and nurses my incubator cause I was going to need it and all sorts of breathing tubes and etc I would need because I wasn't going to be able to do anything on my own I would need all these medical gadgets to sustain my life. At 5:01PM I was taken from my mothers body on August 12,1974 I was breathing on my own, I weighed around 8lbs and I was healthy amidst astonished doctors who had me down for the count, who didn't believe I'd ever make it into this world and if I did I'd struggle. But my mother believed and she felt I was worth the chance she would take with her own life. She risked it all for me, sometimes I don't feel I do enough to make her proud of me, however I know she is I feel there is more I should be doing, but what..I don't know. I'm seeking God for this answer I know it was him that blessed me with my life the one that helped my mother carry me to term. I know it is all his doing. My mother willing to lay her life down for me, his son laying his life down for me, I feel humbled, I feel unworthy yet driven to find a greater purpose driven to tell others what God has done for me even when I do feel unworthy. Life period end of discussion is a miracle nothing less than that, I'll never ever fault anyone for the choices they make I just ask them to think about it there are other options.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
September 11, 2001 .... Ten Years Later...
I have seen many posts on facebook asking to repost this and repost that about remembering September 11,2001, I decided that I would wait till the day before of the day of, honestly there is so much horrible that goes on out there in the world that well it's heartbreaking and I am a person who has always been fine tuned to other people's emotions to the point that sometimes I can't watch the news or I can't watch tv cause I will either cry my eyes out or get madder than an old wet hen cause of some of the injustices that go on so for sanity's sake I block a lot and kind of build my on cocoon so to speak.
Honestly I don't think anyone of us will ever forget that day, or where we were or what we were doing. I remember it clearly just as if it were yesterday and here we are 10 years later and I can't help but tear up as I type this thinking of all the sadness that surrounds this day in history. I remember dropping my girls off at school and taking Matthew to the daycare he was only six months old at the time, I had enough time to go to town and run some errands before I was to be at the college for my classes, when I turned on my radio and there was no music but the DJ's were talking about what was going on in New York I was floored, defiantly shocked beyond belief I mean come on here I was 27 years old and have never experienced something so tragic in those 27 years. I got out and went into the store to pick up some stuff and the ladies started talking about the other plane going down in the field and cause at first I just thought wow what a horrible accident I didn't know then it was a terrorist act. More shock sat in I recall tears came to my eyes and fear came to my heart and all I could think about were my three babies and all the craziness that was going on in this country and how I had always felt safe and comfortable and all of a sudden that safety and that comfort was gone. I decided I wouldn't attend my classes that day instead I went to the school I signed my girls out went back to the daycare and picked up Matthew and just went home cause more than anything I needed to be with them cause in my mind who knew what would happen next but no matter what happen next I was going to be with my babies, my reason for breathing I had to be with them. I was heartbroken for all the families that lost their loved ones, children that wouldn't know a parent or two parents, spouses left behind, parents left behind all the ones left behind my heart-ached for their loss. I have a high amount of empathy and sympathy for those who went through that first hand their pain is tremendous. Though then I didn't know that those acts of 9/11 would effect me in other way's years later after I divorced my older three's father and married Wayne. Since September 11,2001 I have stayed behind cared for children and a home and gone through part of a pregnancy alone while my husband was over in Iraq, pregnancy is emotional even as someone who isn't married to a military man but you add finding out your pregnant one month and ship your husband off to Iraq the next and just see how emotional you get. I can't even think of that deployment without tearing up even still. I had to manage to hold my emotions together and care for kids and all the stuff that goes along with being a military spouse. Scared, worried doesn't even cover it but we made it through and if he has to go again we'll make it through with God's help, it's his job and it is my job to take care of what he has to leave behind. So tomorrow I will remember those who lost their lives on September 11,2001, the families who were left behind, and the ones that have fought and died and the ones that are still out there fighting. May comfort and peace be with them all today, tomorrow and every day that comes after.
Honestly I don't think anyone of us will ever forget that day, or where we were or what we were doing. I remember it clearly just as if it were yesterday and here we are 10 years later and I can't help but tear up as I type this thinking of all the sadness that surrounds this day in history. I remember dropping my girls off at school and taking Matthew to the daycare he was only six months old at the time, I had enough time to go to town and run some errands before I was to be at the college for my classes, when I turned on my radio and there was no music but the DJ's were talking about what was going on in New York I was floored, defiantly shocked beyond belief I mean come on here I was 27 years old and have never experienced something so tragic in those 27 years. I got out and went into the store to pick up some stuff and the ladies started talking about the other plane going down in the field and cause at first I just thought wow what a horrible accident I didn't know then it was a terrorist act. More shock sat in I recall tears came to my eyes and fear came to my heart and all I could think about were my three babies and all the craziness that was going on in this country and how I had always felt safe and comfortable and all of a sudden that safety and that comfort was gone. I decided I wouldn't attend my classes that day instead I went to the school I signed my girls out went back to the daycare and picked up Matthew and just went home cause more than anything I needed to be with them cause in my mind who knew what would happen next but no matter what happen next I was going to be with my babies, my reason for breathing I had to be with them. I was heartbroken for all the families that lost their loved ones, children that wouldn't know a parent or two parents, spouses left behind, parents left behind all the ones left behind my heart-ached for their loss. I have a high amount of empathy and sympathy for those who went through that first hand their pain is tremendous. Though then I didn't know that those acts of 9/11 would effect me in other way's years later after I divorced my older three's father and married Wayne. Since September 11,2001 I have stayed behind cared for children and a home and gone through part of a pregnancy alone while my husband was over in Iraq, pregnancy is emotional even as someone who isn't married to a military man but you add finding out your pregnant one month and ship your husband off to Iraq the next and just see how emotional you get. I can't even think of that deployment without tearing up even still. I had to manage to hold my emotions together and care for kids and all the stuff that goes along with being a military spouse. Scared, worried doesn't even cover it but we made it through and if he has to go again we'll make it through with God's help, it's his job and it is my job to take care of what he has to leave behind. So tomorrow I will remember those who lost their lives on September 11,2001, the families who were left behind, and the ones that have fought and died and the ones that are still out there fighting. May comfort and peace be with them all today, tomorrow and every day that comes after.
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