un·wor·thy/ˌənˈwərT͟Hē/| Adjective: |
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There are many times in our lives when we might feel unworthy of many different things, unworthy of our family, unworthy of love, unworthy of forgiveness, unworthy of respect and even unworthy of the life we have. The biggest mistake anyone can make is feeling unworthy of God's love! We are worthy of his love, it has been proven that he feels we are worthy of his love, because he gave his only begotten son so that we should not parish but have everlasting life through the greatest sacrifice ever made for us. How many reading this would ever ever give their life for people they never knew? How many would give their lives for people that they have in their lives daily? Pretty amazing to think long before we were ever born that Jesus died on the cross for me, he died for you and every other person walking this Earth. He did so without doubt, without hesitation he paid it all for us. Just thinking of it like that our human minds can tell us that we are not worthy of such love, but really we are because he felt we were worthy of this big sacrifice. As a parent there is nothing I wouldn't sacrifice for my children even my own life or limb whatever I needed to do to help them, save them. So I guess if you take that feeling and magnify it by maybe 1,000,000 times you might come close to feeling what God fells for us. Now there have been many times I look back on my life and I have felt unworthy because of my past mistakes, my past stumbles, my transgressions but God tells me today just as he did the day I decided to make my way back to him that I am worthy of his love. I have shared in other blogs my past, and for those who don't care to flip back through I will share again in this blog where I have been and just what God delivered me from. There have been times when I felt alone, I felt God didn't care about me, didn't want to help me, and therefore he must not even exist. But I'm here to tell you those times I was lost it was my doing not his. I left the church during some major life upheaval, I was in an abusive marriage physically, mentally, emotionally, I was dealing with depression, I was dealing with the possibility of having cancer every time I turned around it was something else something bad it was like the light at the end of the tunnel had turned off and I was in the dark. This is the time I should have cried out to God I need you, please help me I can't do this on my own, but instead I took the mindset that he just didn't care that's why I was going through all this either that or he didn't exist. Maybe all this time I was fed some major line of bull and that there was no God or if there was one he most certainly did not care what Lori was going through or that Lori's life was miserable and that she was on the verge of losing it all. I followed a few friends of mine on a very different path, I decide that there probably was a God but I didn't think I believed just as I use to I became Agnostic I questioned everything and came up with my own theory that Hell had to have been our lives here on Earth really and here is what I used to back up my own personal belief: We suffer, we experience so much pain, loss and let down. We watch those we love suffer and we lose them and we are left here to carry own to me this was hell. Don't laugh there are plenty of people who would agree with that statement. Life is beautiful but we do go through so much that it hurts more than we can imagine at times. So here it is that I wandered into my Agnostic lifestyle, one of which even included Pagan beliefs and practices. I have always enjoyed studying different beliefs and therefore I did dabble in the Pagan ways like Wicca even though I never did give it a lot of time nor did I get that deep into it but I did dabble but part of me just knew it was wrong and not where I needed to be and that it was just not right at all. So that was short lived. Then I just went back to my doubting ways and lived my life. Then again I found myself a few years ago in England, I found myself struggling with my marriage and with raising our children. I didn't have family or friends near me and again I felt alone. By this time I had friends that I love more than anything that would tell me Lori give it to God, pray, pray pray. But I couldn't I couldn't pray I couldn't find it in me to pray. I know now I couldn't find it in me to even pray and ask God for his help or his guidance because I felt UNWORTHY. How could I ask God for his help? How could I go to him in prayer and ask him to help me with my marriage issues? How could I ask him to help me with my children's issues? I didn't deserve any of his help, I had most certainly not been an obedient child. You'd think as a mother I would have known that though my children are not always obedient I never turn my back on them, so why should he has my heavenly father turn his back on me. But still this pattern of thought did not come to me at this time but I can see these things now. My friends stood in my place and they prayed for me and my situations when I felt unworthy of God's love, mercy and grace. One day a friend posted a song (which if you have read my older blogs you'll know this already too) but it was by Casting Crowns I Will Praise You In The Storm, this song could not had been posted at a better time God is good like that! I listened to this song and tears rolled down my face and I knew what I should have known years before when I walked away that no matter how dark the skies get, no matter how bad life is at times, God is with me. It was then that I asked God to forgive me for being a doubting child, for being a child that ran away instead of to him. There are times even now the wind blows and I get overwhelmed and I get stressed and it takes me a bit to get a grasp on whats going on around me and then I go to God in prayer and ask him to just be with me and lead me to deal with the situations I have to face. It don't matter how far down you fall, God is a good God and he will always take you back you just have to ask, so the purpose of this blog is to tell a few people I can think of and maybe even you who are reading this blog that it don't matter what you did yesterday God can give you a new today a new tomorrow you don't have to feel unworthy because you are worthy. The following are Bible verses that remind me daily that I am worthy, and I am forgiven.
Micah 7:19, "...he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea."
1 John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness."
Psalms 103:12, "As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us."
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