In honor of my fast approaching Anniversary I figured I'd blog about it! I know the next few day's I'll be busy so there is no time like the present!
My husband Wayne and I will celebrate out 7th wedding anniversary this Saturday July 2nd. Seven years ago we said I do and wow wee I had never loved any man more than I loved him on that very day! We got married after dating for nine months (I also should ad we were friends 2 months or so prior to our first date), some may consider that fast but well it's working for us at least it has seven years! Most of my close friends know how Wayne and I met but for those of you who don't I'll share with you, I met Wayne online ha ha! Yes on a website known as hot or not. Basically I had a friend who dared me to put my picture on there so I did users could rate your picture (now mind you I did not nor do I now consider myself hot lol I lean more towards not but this was just a joke between two friends) if you wanted to interact with other users you had to have a paid account, I did not have said paid account cause it was just fun and giggles and this just for the record was a picture of my face lol! Well Wayne and some buddies were bored in Kuwait and they decided they would upload pictures, Wayne had the paid account ha ha ha! And he liked my picture and sent me an email with his yahoo address so we would chat online about our day's and what we had been up to. Eventually those chats on yahoo IM lead to a phone call, we'd chat for hours and hours on the phone and I'm not a phone person I'd rather text, chat in person, chat online or email! So he finally decided to ask me out after a few months of talking as friends. And I of course accepted I remember our first date it was when the newer Texas Chainsaw Masicar had came out and nothing screams romance like a good horror film lol so we had a nice dinner at the Texas Roadhouse and hit up the Texas Chainsaw Masicare got some coffee after and shopped around some of the stores. Then we decided we'd get together the next night to watch a WWE pay per-view yes I use to watch that junk as some probably would call it lol! So we drove to his place so I'd know where to show up after that I was on my way home and I was beaming with happiness cause we really clicked. From our first date we became inseparable, every bit of free time we had was spent together. Finally when I knew that I knew it was something that would last I let him meet my older three children and when he did meet them I couldn't have asked for someone else to ever treat my kids as good as he did they hit it off! He gave him attention, time and love that even their own biological father didn't. Eventually I got to meet his daughter and we hit it off and the kids all seemed to as well. Well fast forward a bit I lived like an hour away from Wayne so he had to do some traveling to come visit me and I was on a fixed income so I traveled what I could. After I graduated with my Associates he asked me to marry him, no..no big fancy popping of the questionl he took his daughter all the way back to her mama's about an hour away and drove back to my place just to ask me to marry him. However I do have to say there was this one time I thought he was going to ask me to marry him lol but he turned something sweet and romantic....into fishing I should have known really seriously we were out to eat and he was holding both my hands looking into my eyes saying how much he loved me and how he didn't know what he'd do without me and how he never wanted to lose me then he said I have something I want to ask you yes you know I was thinking he was going to say will you marry me or something along those lines but he said looking deeply into my eyes, Honey, can I have a bass boat! I just laughed at him what-else could you do lol! Anyways lets get back to the original story I'm very ADD like from time to time. But he came back and asked me that night and of course I said yes. We started looking at houses and finally found a house to meet the needs of our family of three plus one over other weekend that we loved I still get teary eyed when I think about our first house I miss that place and time too! So we had a home we closed on the house June 28th. We didn't have a big wedding with having 4 kids to take care of who had the money for that stuff I joked and said some girls get an engagement ring I got an engagement house! So we took two of our close friends and we headed to the court house in Fayetteville,NC on July 2, 2004, we filed for our marriage license cause there is no waiting time you just have to have your paperwork in line when you get there. But after doing that we learned the magistrate wasn't at the courthouse that day but instead at the new detention center and if we wanted to get married well that's where we had to go. So off we went with our friends Michael and Jaime with Michael singing as we walked out of the courthouse to head to the dentition center..."Your in the jailhouse now...." How fitting for marriage some people would think lol! So we made it to the dentition center said our do's and the rest as they say is history. We have had many many ups and downs. There was a time I didn't think we'd make it but we have survived the tests of time, kids and each other! I love Wayne dearly, completely and with every ounce of my heart, and soul. Even when he makes me so mad there is no one else on this earth I'd rather be mad at than him! Over the last seven years our family has grown from a family of 4 kids 2 adults to 6 kids and 2 adults. Although we don't get to see his daughter she is still a part of our family, she always will be, we love and and miss her but the life of a teenager is a busy one. So Happy Anniversary to my sweetheart I love you more! xoxo
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Prayer Changes Things
I am sitting here today to tell you that yes prayer does change things! I in my life have strayed very very far away from God I went from being a Sunday School teacher to someone who started practicing a totally different belief system, and have found my way back to God where I should have always been. I also believe sometimes we wander just to learn lessons we need to learn. But I have known weather I admitted it my whole life that prayer does change things.
Way before I was even born prayer changed things. My mother has two children my older brother and myself. Between us she had one boy that died an hour after birth he was premature, and at least two miscarriages that I know of before me. She found out she was expecting me after she had picked on her friend who was pregnant saying my son will be grown and here you are fixing to have another one just so you know my brother was about 15 years old when I was born.Well a week or so later low and behold mamma found out she was expecting me. The doctors assured her I wouldn't make it if I did I'd weigh maybe 3 lbs and would be lucky to breath on my own. They told her she had Cervical cancer and that she should just abort me and save herself because given her past track record she wouldn't carry me to term. Well my father being a man in love with his wife and worried for her life tried to talk her into it, not because he didn't want me but because he was scared of losing her and me and I totally get that I love my daddy dearly I am a daddy's girl and I have always had him wrapped around my finger. But my mother told them she did not have cancer that she wasn't buying into that and they could do the biopsy's but she was not aborting her last chance of a having a little girl but at this point she would have loved a boy just the same. My mother prayed and prayed along with family members and other people as well that I would be born healthy. Well doctors did the procedures they needed to they told her the risks and she said to them what is meant to be. Well procedure was done, and I obviously survived that. During her pregnancy my mother prayed God please let me have this one baby. Well August 12, 1974 rolled around and my mom was scheduled for a C Section now since I was only going to weigh 3 pounds and not be able to breath the OR was loaded with doctors, nurses and my special bed because you know I was going to need some machines to do my breathing. At 5:01PM they took from my mothers body, a baby girl who weighed over 8 pounds and was breathing so well she could scream, the doctors just didn't understand it why was I healthy well my mamma could tell you right now she knows why. All that medical staff wasn't even needed because a great physician was on call when my mother and others prayed for me.
Now as a mother myself now that I have found my way back to God (another story for another time)I have seen what prayer can do! Even when I had lost my way and was on a totally different path and going through some rough stuff with my oldest daughter and Wayne. At my lowest of lows though I can remember friends telling me Lori just pray about it but I was so down on everything love, faith, and all the good things that I said and quiet honestly it was how I felt I just can't pray for myself or for anyone I just can't even muster a single prayer on my behalf, thank God they could though and I know right now that it was those friends of mine who could pray who reached down deep and prayed for me until I could do it for myself. Ever hear that old gospel song Somebody Prayed For me I can't help but think of them every-time I listen to it. They pulled me out of where I was and trust me if you knew where I was you'd be like do what? Funny how God can pick up someone dust them off and make them like new. But as I was saying as a mother lately I have been praying for my oldest we have had some supper hard times she has put me through it she has said things, done things that as a teenager I would have never said or done. But she has slowly started to change as I have been praying for her asking God to help me with my baby because I fell that partly the reason she is the way she is can very well be counted as my fault because I turned away from God and I lost my faith. She had numerous issues at the schools her time in England in the High School, here at Sumter High School and at Lakewood. She couldn't seem to find the right crowd to be around and she would follow where others lead. She disobeyed and defied me every chance she has gotten. This also caused issues in my marriage as well.I had started to worry that I'd never get her through high school, I worried because she wanted to get married after she turned 18, she wanted to start a family and all that stuff. She didn't care much about college she didn't think beyond living for today. My heart broke because I know how much potential she has when she applies herself. I didn't like watching the direction her life was going. I didn't like the direction my marriage was going. But since I found my misplaced faith and put it firmly back where it belonged to begin with things are so much better. My marriage that was close to me walking out of it just last summer is doing well of course we still spat every married couple does but nothing worth walking out on each other over. As for my oldest I pray for her daily as I do all my children, but I see in her my prayers are being answered this week she shown how much she has matured and making good choices for herself. She has decided to put off marriage until after college which means my baby girl will have a better start than I did in her marriage. Awhile back she snuck off and got a tattoo (underage mind you without my consent) and now she wants me to look into getting it removed also mind you I don't mind tattoos I have three myself but I didn't like the placement, I didn't like the lying and ect she did. But she has decided on her own that it needs to come off, I am so proud of her and I thank God that he does answer prayers because I know he has been answering mine. I have faith that one day soon my prayer for her to come to church with me and for God to draw her closer to him will be answered. Prayer yes it does change things it has for me time and time again even when I turned away and sitting here I know now it wasn't that he turned away from me when I was going through all the bad stuff it was I that walked away. Right now I can promise this I'll never walk away again no matter what tries to shake my faith I will always remember that prayer changes things. I will remember that what my grandma Widener use to say is true, God will never give you more than you can bare! Oh my grandma use to tell me that and I can still remember saying I think he misjudged when he overloaded my plate!But she was absolutely correct he doesn't give you anymore than you can bare and he doesn't leave you there hanging either to deal with it all, all you have to do is trust in him.
Way before I was even born prayer changed things. My mother has two children my older brother and myself. Between us she had one boy that died an hour after birth he was premature, and at least two miscarriages that I know of before me. She found out she was expecting me after she had picked on her friend who was pregnant saying my son will be grown and here you are fixing to have another one just so you know my brother was about 15 years old when I was born.Well a week or so later low and behold mamma found out she was expecting me. The doctors assured her I wouldn't make it if I did I'd weigh maybe 3 lbs and would be lucky to breath on my own. They told her she had Cervical cancer and that she should just abort me and save herself because given her past track record she wouldn't carry me to term. Well my father being a man in love with his wife and worried for her life tried to talk her into it, not because he didn't want me but because he was scared of losing her and me and I totally get that I love my daddy dearly I am a daddy's girl and I have always had him wrapped around my finger. But my mother told them she did not have cancer that she wasn't buying into that and they could do the biopsy's but she was not aborting her last chance of a having a little girl but at this point she would have loved a boy just the same. My mother prayed and prayed along with family members and other people as well that I would be born healthy. Well doctors did the procedures they needed to they told her the risks and she said to them what is meant to be. Well procedure was done, and I obviously survived that. During her pregnancy my mother prayed God please let me have this one baby. Well August 12, 1974 rolled around and my mom was scheduled for a C Section now since I was only going to weigh 3 pounds and not be able to breath the OR was loaded with doctors, nurses and my special bed because you know I was going to need some machines to do my breathing. At 5:01PM they took from my mothers body, a baby girl who weighed over 8 pounds and was breathing so well she could scream, the doctors just didn't understand it why was I healthy well my mamma could tell you right now she knows why. All that medical staff wasn't even needed because a great physician was on call when my mother and others prayed for me.
Now as a mother myself now that I have found my way back to God (another story for another time)I have seen what prayer can do! Even when I had lost my way and was on a totally different path and going through some rough stuff with my oldest daughter and Wayne. At my lowest of lows though I can remember friends telling me Lori just pray about it but I was so down on everything love, faith, and all the good things that I said and quiet honestly it was how I felt I just can't pray for myself or for anyone I just can't even muster a single prayer on my behalf, thank God they could though and I know right now that it was those friends of mine who could pray who reached down deep and prayed for me until I could do it for myself. Ever hear that old gospel song Somebody Prayed For me I can't help but think of them every-time I listen to it. They pulled me out of where I was and trust me if you knew where I was you'd be like do what? Funny how God can pick up someone dust them off and make them like new. But as I was saying as a mother lately I have been praying for my oldest we have had some supper hard times she has put me through it she has said things, done things that as a teenager I would have never said or done. But she has slowly started to change as I have been praying for her asking God to help me with my baby because I fell that partly the reason she is the way she is can very well be counted as my fault because I turned away from God and I lost my faith. She had numerous issues at the schools her time in England in the High School, here at Sumter High School and at Lakewood. She couldn't seem to find the right crowd to be around and she would follow where others lead. She disobeyed and defied me every chance she has gotten. This also caused issues in my marriage as well.I had started to worry that I'd never get her through high school, I worried because she wanted to get married after she turned 18, she wanted to start a family and all that stuff. She didn't care much about college she didn't think beyond living for today. My heart broke because I know how much potential she has when she applies herself. I didn't like watching the direction her life was going. I didn't like the direction my marriage was going. But since I found my misplaced faith and put it firmly back where it belonged to begin with things are so much better. My marriage that was close to me walking out of it just last summer is doing well of course we still spat every married couple does but nothing worth walking out on each other over. As for my oldest I pray for her daily as I do all my children, but I see in her my prayers are being answered this week she shown how much she has matured and making good choices for herself. She has decided to put off marriage until after college which means my baby girl will have a better start than I did in her marriage. Awhile back she snuck off and got a tattoo (underage mind you without my consent) and now she wants me to look into getting it removed also mind you I don't mind tattoos I have three myself but I didn't like the placement, I didn't like the lying and ect she did. But she has decided on her own that it needs to come off, I am so proud of her and I thank God that he does answer prayers because I know he has been answering mine. I have faith that one day soon my prayer for her to come to church with me and for God to draw her closer to him will be answered. Prayer yes it does change things it has for me time and time again even when I turned away and sitting here I know now it wasn't that he turned away from me when I was going through all the bad stuff it was I that walked away. Right now I can promise this I'll never walk away again no matter what tries to shake my faith I will always remember that prayer changes things. I will remember that what my grandma Widener use to say is true, God will never give you more than you can bare! Oh my grandma use to tell me that and I can still remember saying I think he misjudged when he overloaded my plate!But she was absolutely correct he doesn't give you anymore than you can bare and he doesn't leave you there hanging either to deal with it all, all you have to do is trust in him.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Thankful For The Bad Stuff
I have been thinking, I do that sometimes, yes I know hard to believe right? We often speak about the easy things in life we are thankful for, family, friends, home, food, life but seldom are we ever thankful for anything bad. Bare with me you may find this crazy or insane but I think we should be thankful for the bad stuff as well in life! I am thankful for those who ridiculed me growing up as a child the people in school right on down to my very own flesh and blood grandfather. All because I was fat, I was different I didn't fit their molds of what they thought was normal. Mind you at the time I wasn't thankful for any of this, it is with age that I have looked back and understood and saw what I got from this! What did you get you might ask? I got stronger, sure I went home every day and cried and cried, but I had parents that loved me and consoled me and stood by me and loved me no matter the size of my jeans! Besides getting stronger what else did I get I got understanding for others I developed a great sense of understanding for other people who may not be someones idea of perfect, I also gained compassion for others as well. I also was taught tolerance for others differences during this time of my life. I also got a great group of real friends that have stuck by me through thick and thin they aren't many they are few but they are true and they have always accepted me no matter what. I want to ad, I have also learned forgiveness from these experiences as well. I am thankful that I was taught forgiveness because I have needed forgiveness as well in my life, haven't we all?
I am thankful for the 11 years I was married to my ex husband it was 11 years of ups and downs mostly downs. It was riddled with verbal abuse, emotional abuse and physical abuse. The bright side to this first and foremost is I have three beautiful children that I love so much more than I could have ever imagined loving another human being. But what good can come out of abuse? Well some good can come out of just about anything if you try to see it. In those years I didn't see it then but he made me stronger too. I learned to stand up for myself, I learned that I am worth so much more than I ever gave myself credit for. I learned self confidence, oh how can that be some might say you didn't have much self confidence if you were taking that abuse, no not at first I had no self confidence no self esteem I felt just about as bad as anyone could feel about their self! But I found my feet, my confidence and my self worth, I held my head high and walked away with my three children. I faced my life as a single mom finishing her associates degree raising three kids I found in me the courage to face whatever may come my way. So I am thankful for that time of my life.
I am thankful for the years I strayed away from God, crazy that might sound to some, insane, nuts whatever you wanna call it. It was those years that I learned that the times I thought I was alone, that no one cared the years I lost my faith and my walk with God. The years I ventured into waters I had no business in. The years my marriage to my husband was strained. It was those years that I found my faith, I learned I was never truly alone even when I ventured where I didn't need to be when I knew the truth and what was real. I am thankful that today I can sit here and type this and know that God is always with me even in my darkest moments. That even though I turned away from him at one point he never turned his back on me. He allowed me to venture out and away and let me learn these lessons I needed to learn so that I could come back to where I needed to be. I believe that this taught me even more compassion, tolerance, love and faith. And for that I am thankful! Though these experiences seem bad, hard, difficult and just plane horrible to others and some may not understand why I would be thankful for them I have to say these things are what made me who I am. I may not be anyone's idea of normal, perfect, or any other term of the like you would want to throw out there but I am exactly who and what I need to be I may stumble, I may fall but I know who will be there to pull me back up every single time I need him to, and for that...I am thankful.
I am thankful for the 11 years I was married to my ex husband it was 11 years of ups and downs mostly downs. It was riddled with verbal abuse, emotional abuse and physical abuse. The bright side to this first and foremost is I have three beautiful children that I love so much more than I could have ever imagined loving another human being. But what good can come out of abuse? Well some good can come out of just about anything if you try to see it. In those years I didn't see it then but he made me stronger too. I learned to stand up for myself, I learned that I am worth so much more than I ever gave myself credit for. I learned self confidence, oh how can that be some might say you didn't have much self confidence if you were taking that abuse, no not at first I had no self confidence no self esteem I felt just about as bad as anyone could feel about their self! But I found my feet, my confidence and my self worth, I held my head high and walked away with my three children. I faced my life as a single mom finishing her associates degree raising three kids I found in me the courage to face whatever may come my way. So I am thankful for that time of my life.
I am thankful for the years I strayed away from God, crazy that might sound to some, insane, nuts whatever you wanna call it. It was those years that I learned that the times I thought I was alone, that no one cared the years I lost my faith and my walk with God. The years I ventured into waters I had no business in. The years my marriage to my husband was strained. It was those years that I found my faith, I learned I was never truly alone even when I ventured where I didn't need to be when I knew the truth and what was real. I am thankful that today I can sit here and type this and know that God is always with me even in my darkest moments. That even though I turned away from him at one point he never turned his back on me. He allowed me to venture out and away and let me learn these lessons I needed to learn so that I could come back to where I needed to be. I believe that this taught me even more compassion, tolerance, love and faith. And for that I am thankful! Though these experiences seem bad, hard, difficult and just plane horrible to others and some may not understand why I would be thankful for them I have to say these things are what made me who I am. I may not be anyone's idea of normal, perfect, or any other term of the like you would want to throw out there but I am exactly who and what I need to be I may stumble, I may fall but I know who will be there to pull me back up every single time I need him to, and for that...I am thankful.
A Letter To My Children
I wont pretend to have all the answers; but I'll do my best to find the right ones for you when I don't have the right answer for you that's what google is for right.
I wont promise life will be easy cause we both know it's not, life is one of the hardest and the absolute longest thing you'll ever do but I'll tell you right now there are moments in that life that will make it well worth every bit of every little thing you go through!
Life should be lived and enjoyed not feared and worried away!
You have a home as long as you choose to make it your home I brought you into this world and I know one day you'll leave the proverbial nest and spread your wings. But what I want is to know that you can stand on your own two feet, I want to know that you are happy and enjoying your life and living it to the fullest. I want to know that who ever you make your husband or wife (for my sons) that they are truly 100% dedicated to you and that you are to them and that you both want to work to make a marriage work. Believe me marriage and relationships are far from easy but they too are worth it when it's the right one! I want you also to know that though I am not perfect and I haven't always been the best example but I have and will always try to share where I went wrong and how I could have made it better in an effort to keep you from making those mistakes. I know you wont always listen and follow my advice but I will always try as your mother to put that out there for you. I know I am flawed, I am only human we all are flawed.
I have learned that in life sometimes we have to find what we believe in, who we are, what we want to become and what all we want to do without lives I have found it is better to make these discoveries while your young and not responsible for other people other than yourself. I have also learned that where I failed in my youth to put my trust in God and let him help me with my issues that I made things only that much harder. It isn't easy to let things to and trust in someone else to sort it out but it works out so much better when you do! I know I haven't been the perfect example of what a "Christian" is or should be but I do believe I have shown you what it means to be a good person and I know in your heart of hearts that you know what it means to be a good person and to love other people without judgement. I may never be that picture perfect example but I hope that I will be good enough!Also don't compromise yourself for anyone or anything! Stick to what you know is right. Also when it comes to friends remember to have a friend you have to be a friend we wont always like choices our friends make chances are there are choices you will make your friends wont like but you have to overlook some things in life and understand that friendship and love should be unconditional items.
I hope that you have an easier life and a better life, I hope that you never want or need for anything, I hope you find true happiness and peace. I hope you learn to love and accept yourself for who you are! I hope that if you look deep within yourself and don't like what you see that you have the strength and the knowledge to change what you don't like. I wish for you more blessings than hardships but even when those hardships arise I wish you faith and strength enough to make it through them. All any mother truly wants is for her baby to be happy, they don't want to hold them back they just want to hold them. There comes a time when your baby doesn't want you to hold them anymore then that is when you hold them in your heart and that is why when they reach a certain age and they do certain things it hurts so very bad, you wish that when they are having a hard time you could scoop them up and hold them and make every little bad thing go away. One day when you have your very own little girl or little boy you'll do some of the same things I did, say some of the same things I said and wish some of the same wishes I have wished. One day you'll understand everything even though your little one will think you understand nothing.
One of the biggest things I want you to know and understand do NOT ever settle for less than you deserve have I said this before? Yes will I say it 100 times more yes you bet your bottom I will! Sometimes for some reason we don't feel worthy of love, sometimes we don't feel like we deserve the best, sometimes we get scared we wont find what we are looking for and we settle I'm here to tell you, you will find what you deserve don't settle for less than that if you do you will be a miserable person. Someone who loves you as much as you love them, someone who wants to make you smile, make you laugh, someone who will console your fears, someone who will listen to you, talk to you, be your best friend someone who knows you like the back of their hand. Do not ever feel so lowly about yourself that you leap for the very first person that uses those three magic words...I Love you! Too many people make that mistake! Value yourself enough to keep on going when you don't feel like things are working out with someone cause the chances are in the end you wont be happy and neither will they. Remember I tell you these things because I care and want you happy..because I loved you first from the very first moment I knew you existed and I always will no matter what you do or where you go no matter how old and grown you think you are you will always be my babies I will always be your mommy and I will always want what is the best for you! Why am I writing this to you my children because I want to make certain I put it out there and say everything I need and want to say to you!
You all are my world and I thank God for each of you, I always thought when I had children it was going to be a lot of work teaching you all you needed to know but you know what you have taught me far more than I could ever have imagined possible.
I wont promise life will be easy cause we both know it's not, life is one of the hardest and the absolute longest thing you'll ever do but I'll tell you right now there are moments in that life that will make it well worth every bit of every little thing you go through!
Life should be lived and enjoyed not feared and worried away!
You have a home as long as you choose to make it your home I brought you into this world and I know one day you'll leave the proverbial nest and spread your wings. But what I want is to know that you can stand on your own two feet, I want to know that you are happy and enjoying your life and living it to the fullest. I want to know that who ever you make your husband or wife (for my sons) that they are truly 100% dedicated to you and that you are to them and that you both want to work to make a marriage work. Believe me marriage and relationships are far from easy but they too are worth it when it's the right one! I want you also to know that though I am not perfect and I haven't always been the best example but I have and will always try to share where I went wrong and how I could have made it better in an effort to keep you from making those mistakes. I know you wont always listen and follow my advice but I will always try as your mother to put that out there for you. I know I am flawed, I am only human we all are flawed.
I have learned that in life sometimes we have to find what we believe in, who we are, what we want to become and what all we want to do without lives I have found it is better to make these discoveries while your young and not responsible for other people other than yourself. I have also learned that where I failed in my youth to put my trust in God and let him help me with my issues that I made things only that much harder. It isn't easy to let things to and trust in someone else to sort it out but it works out so much better when you do! I know I haven't been the perfect example of what a "Christian" is or should be but I do believe I have shown you what it means to be a good person and I know in your heart of hearts that you know what it means to be a good person and to love other people without judgement. I may never be that picture perfect example but I hope that I will be good enough!Also don't compromise yourself for anyone or anything! Stick to what you know is right. Also when it comes to friends remember to have a friend you have to be a friend we wont always like choices our friends make chances are there are choices you will make your friends wont like but you have to overlook some things in life and understand that friendship and love should be unconditional items.
I hope that you have an easier life and a better life, I hope that you never want or need for anything, I hope you find true happiness and peace. I hope you learn to love and accept yourself for who you are! I hope that if you look deep within yourself and don't like what you see that you have the strength and the knowledge to change what you don't like. I wish for you more blessings than hardships but even when those hardships arise I wish you faith and strength enough to make it through them. All any mother truly wants is for her baby to be happy, they don't want to hold them back they just want to hold them. There comes a time when your baby doesn't want you to hold them anymore then that is when you hold them in your heart and that is why when they reach a certain age and they do certain things it hurts so very bad, you wish that when they are having a hard time you could scoop them up and hold them and make every little bad thing go away. One day when you have your very own little girl or little boy you'll do some of the same things I did, say some of the same things I said and wish some of the same wishes I have wished. One day you'll understand everything even though your little one will think you understand nothing.
One of the biggest things I want you to know and understand do NOT ever settle for less than you deserve have I said this before? Yes will I say it 100 times more yes you bet your bottom I will! Sometimes for some reason we don't feel worthy of love, sometimes we don't feel like we deserve the best, sometimes we get scared we wont find what we are looking for and we settle I'm here to tell you, you will find what you deserve don't settle for less than that if you do you will be a miserable person. Someone who loves you as much as you love them, someone who wants to make you smile, make you laugh, someone who will console your fears, someone who will listen to you, talk to you, be your best friend someone who knows you like the back of their hand. Do not ever feel so lowly about yourself that you leap for the very first person that uses those three magic words...I Love you! Too many people make that mistake! Value yourself enough to keep on going when you don't feel like things are working out with someone cause the chances are in the end you wont be happy and neither will they. Remember I tell you these things because I care and want you happy..because I loved you first from the very first moment I knew you existed and I always will no matter what you do or where you go no matter how old and grown you think you are you will always be my babies I will always be your mommy and I will always want what is the best for you! Why am I writing this to you my children because I want to make certain I put it out there and say everything I need and want to say to you!
You all are my world and I thank God for each of you, I always thought when I had children it was going to be a lot of work teaching you all you needed to know but you know what you have taught me far more than I could ever have imagined possible.
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