Never Be Afraid To Let Your Voice Be Heard

Over the last few days of dealing with school stuff with my child I feel compelled to write this blog to encourage parents don't be afraid to let your voice be heard!  I realize that a lot of people are unsure and not certain of how to go about dealing with bully issues or other issues in your school. But the absolute best thing I can tell you is don't be afraid at all! School officials are just people they have no super human strength, they are not God or Gods for that matter. They eat, sleep, go to the bathroom and get dressed the same as you and I so do not humble yourself before them. Parents have got to start speaking out about this kind of stuff you have got to be your child's voice when they can't do it for their selves! You have got to take a stand and you have got to let them know you will not go quietly you will not back down or back off! Persistance pays off, if you don't get the answers you want or need at the school level take it to your local school board and superintendent, if that don't work take it to the State Board of Education and if you can't get satisfaction use the media to your advantage, if you can afford it get a lawyer, if it's something punishable by law like threats being made or another child touching your child get law enforcement involved! Don't take no for an answer don't be stonewalled and be strong! Your child needs YOU! Find a group online for support and for help there are groups out there! Let your child know that it is perfectly okay to be who they are, let them know that they are loved and accepted and they do not have to live up to someone else idea of what they should be. Always remember you are your child's advocate, you are their rock and they look to you for guidance. Never fear standing up for them...give it your all and show them that you will go as far as you have to go to make them feel safe and secure! Children deserve to have a safe learning environment where they can flurish and grow academically they deserve that. And one more important thing to teach your child about bully's is, people bully for a reason and it isn't because of anything your child has done, they do it because ultimately they feel inferior, there is something they see in their selves that they do not want others to see so before others can find their weakness they are looking for someone else's weakness so that they can divert attention that could be placed on them instead. It isn't fair but at least they would know what makes a bully tick and why they do what they do. I know I have explained this to my child and she saw first hand this year how that is true. Last year a little boy picked on her, I teach my child not to be mean to others, to not be violent in reaction to respect everyone even in situations when others are mean. So this boy picked on her and she let it go. Then this year she had to sit at a table in Science with him and work on a project together..it was then she found out that the boy who is in 8th grade can barely read. She came home and said mommy you were so right about what you said about people who bully they do have something about them that they don't want others to see and I asked her what she was talking about and she told me about the boy, I asked my daughter well did you pick on him cause of his lack of reading skills, and my daughter said no mommy you taught me not to treat others like that, I am proud of her for letting others keep their dignity and not belittling them she is a wonderful girl and she is mine and I thank God he blessed me with her! I have five beautiful and amazing children and I pray God will help me continue to raise loving and caring children who respect others no matter what!

Occupy Our Schools

So my poor 14 year old daughter has been bullied by this girl in her class since the start of the school year and we have gone to Guidance quite a few times and that didn't work, in fact it's almost as if the Guidance counselor didn't really put too much effort into it. Well on December 5th 2011 it escalated cause the girl was talking junk about my child with some other kids and they knew my daughter was getting upset and this bully went up to her and said snitches get stitches cause she knows my daughter will go to someone for help dealing with this situation. So my child filed a bully report and of course they deny it and they say they were all joking around and playing. Umm since when is threatening someone (and to me saying snitches get stitches is a threat it is communicating intent to harm another person) anyways since when is that playing and joking around? Seriously are the school officials really buying this do I need to go to law enforcement, do I need to get a lawyer, do I need to go to the national media to bring their attention to how bullies can get away with making threats towards another child in school? Is our school system that crappy where kids can't even feel safe in school? Is it fair that my child comes home with stomach aches, headaches, is it fair she also comes home crying almost every day while this out of control "child" get's away with it??? I'm done with the injustice and I am going to make as much noise as I have to, to get my child's story heard, get her the help she needs and make schools OPEN their EYES and quit allowing such to go on inside their schools! The good kids in the school deserve to have an education one in which they are not bullied, they aren't worried about the actions of others! It is high time that ALL parents of good children start taking the school back instead of Occupying Wall Street we parents, we the people need to Occupy our own SCHOOLS and get them back from the bullies, from the drug dealers, and other illegal activities that go on! Maybe just maybe we ALL need to push harder, not back down and demand better for our children! Maybe it's time that we stand together and refuse to take NO for an answer! I know I for one will not be dismissed quietly I will do whatever I need to do to protect my child and other innocent children! Childhood should be a fun time not a time where you dread getting up in the morning and going to school to learn. My daughter wants to do so much with her life and I refuse to let anyone make her feel less than what she is! I refuse to allow my child to become another statistic and every parent out there should agree and shouldn't let any child become a statistic! I dropped out of school because I was tired of being picked on I didn't end my life but so many young people are taking this rout these days it's sad! No one should be bullied out of their life, or out of the school! I say put the bullies out they don't want to be there obviously if they did they would be focusing on their education and not other people. Thankfully I have turned myself around and I have finished my bachelors degree and I am working on my Masters degree now I have turned my life way around and yes I am stronger and more understanding for the life I have lived but no child should have to live a life of being bullied! Why can't we just accept the fact no one is the same we all have out positives and negatives we all are not perfect but we all are unique! I am sick of all this that goes on within our schools it's high time we demand better for our children and their future!

Tis The Season To Be Thankful!

Hello Friends! I have been doing the days of Thanksgiving thing where every morning I post one thing in my status on facebook of what I am thankful for! I like this, I like this so much I don't think we should just do it during Thanksgiving! Every day your eye's open, you should be thankful and you should give thanks! There is thanks to be given for everything in your life! Sure there are times when you feel like the world is crashing down around your ears but you know what that doesn't mean that you have the right to stop being thankful! So I'm writing a note to remind myself and I suggest that you guys to that to, so when a day comes and everything seems to be going every which way but right you can pull out that note and remind yourself there is so much good even in the bad that there are things to be thankful for and this year has been a year for me that has held many things I am thankful for so bare with me this may take some time to get everything down ;-)
First and foremost I am thankful for God's saving grace that even in my darkest of day's he was always there and he never turned his back on me when I had turned my back on him. I am thankful for the forgiveness that he gives me. I am thankful for the blood Jesus shed for me and for each and everyone who will only accept him as their savior. I am thankful that I open my eyes every morning, there have been quite a few times in my life where my life was spared and I am thankful that I am still here even if it means I have a few bad days every now and again because I get to be with my loved ones here. I am thankful for my parents who have loved me when I was unlovable, who never gave up on me on me. I'm thankful for a daddy that loved his little girl and never made me feel that I should have been something I wasn't. I am thankful for a mama that risked it all for me and still would. I am thankful for my grandma and grandpa Widener who showed me nothing but love, who also showed us what real love looked like 60 + years of marriage before grandpa left his earthly home to go be with God in heaven only to be followed by grandma a year later. I am thankful for my granny who  is still here, who I'd spend a lot of Saturday nights with growing up I remember watching Golden Girls with her, Hee Haw, listening to the radio and swinging on her front porch, painting her nails and fixing her hair. I am thankful she is still here even if her memory isn't like it use to be, she forgets a lot but she's still here! I am thankful for my Papa, he left this earth when I was 16, some wouldn't understand why I'm thankful for him cause he wasn't a good man he hurt my feelings a lot but he had his moments and he was my first big lesson in forgiveness and I am thankful for that lesson and I have forgiven him for all the bad things he said to me when I was a child I understand him now and know how he grew up. I am thankful for my children without them I don't know what I'd do they drive me crazy sometimes but they are the loves of my life, they are the ones that I would risk everything for life and limb. I love their smiles, their laughter, their hugs and kisses and I am thankful for all that. I am thankful that Katie graduated this year, got her first job and is going to start college soon. I am thankful that she and I have gotten closer at least I feel like we have. I am thankful that Annie is starting to be more responsible and helping out more. I am thankful that she gave her heart to God at camp this past summer. I am thankful that Matthew seems to be doing better in school this year, I am just thankful for his birth because he saved me (don't get me wrong I am very thankful for each birth of my children) had he not been born I wouldn't have known about the per-cancerous cells and who knows where I'd be now had he not been born. I am thankful that Noah is growing up to be a loving little boy, that he is doing fabulous in school and that he enjoys school! I am thankful that Abigail loves school and is learning so quickly. I am thankful for her words of wisdom and her silliness that makes us all smile!I am thankful for all my children have taught me, you know when your expecting a baby and when that baby is first born you think wow I have a lot I am going to have to teach this little one but after all is said and done, I think they have taught me far more and for that I am thankful for as well. I am thankful for all of my family members. I am thankful for my husband and his ability to provide for us, I am thankful for the glimpse ever so often of the man I fell in love with, our marriage is far far from perfect in fact lately it's been rough and who know where this will all go but I am thankful for the good times we've had together. I am thankful for finishing my Bachelors degree and getting started on my Masters degree! I am thankful that our family has found such a wonderful church family! They are a lot of wonderful people in our church and I am thankful for each one of them. I am thankful for my wonderful friends! Friends who don't judge me, friends who lift me up when I need them to, who cry with me, who feel my struggles friends who just understand! Friends who prayed for me when I couldn't pray for myself, friends who showed me God's love in them! Friends who helped me find my way back, friends who wont let me slip too far inside my shell as I tend to try to do when I'm hurt. I am thankful for facebook even, yes facebook I am thankful for facebook because I have reconnected with some special people from my past who I loved as a little girl, who taught me so much growing up who showed me God's love too through them. People who will always always have a place in my heart because of them I am a better person. I am thankful for eyes that see the faces of my loved ones, and all of God's many wonders, I am thankful for ears to hear the voices of the ones I love the most, music, and all of the other wonderful sounds. I am thankful for the ability to walk and do for myself and for arms that I can hug my babies with and tuck them in and comfort them with when they need me. I am thankful for my voice so that I can communicate with others and so that I can tell the ones I love that I love them it might not be a great singing voice lol but yes I can sing if I want (in the privacy of my own home or car lol)! I am thankful for my ex husband(don't have a heart attack) without him I wouldn't have my three oldest I am also thankful for our bad times cause they made me stronger and made me realize what I will not tolerate from another man. I am thankful for each and every person who has crossed my path and belittled me, told me I wouldn't make it, told me I wasn't good enough, made fun of me and made me feel I was less than nothing...because you made me all that more determined to rise up and rise above, you made me stronger, you made me more understanding and more compassionate when it comes to others! I am thankful for the good and the bad because it's true what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. I am thankful for our home and the shelter it provides for me and my family because I know there are others who don't have a place to lay their head a night. I am thankful for the food we have in our shelves, and fridge because I can feed my family. I am thankful that I have transportation, and for the clothes on our backs as well. So many things in life to be thankful for yes everyday we should focus on the positives in life and try to turn the negatives into positives when we can.God gives us so much to be thankful forI hope that I never become ungrateful, I may not be rich when it comes to money but I am richly blessed with many many things that mean far more than any lump sum of cash.

The Good The Bad and The Ugly

Well life surely has been interesting lately, that's an understatement! My family in the last few weeks have been hit with so much! A few weeks ago was what started it all, hubby failed his fourth PT test in a years time only by a second, ever think about a second...I never gave it much thought, but a second can change so much. Like for instance he faces losing a stripe which means the family will lose money and our finances are terrible as it is, especially considering my eldest turned 18 so my child support money has gone down by $200 a month, then with this possible loss of a stripe we are looking at the very least of losing $300 we can't afford to lose. All over missing a run time by a second taking a $500 hit is extremely hard when we often find ourselves borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. Even though this is bad I have decided to look at it this way at least he still has a job there are going to be some MAJOR adjustments that have to be made though.I'm hoping the loss of a stripe doesn't go beyond that $300 loss. But I'm sure God will provide a way for us, that is the thing I am holding on to.
Next major catastrophe to hit our household was this Friday, I left out to pick up my oldest from work and got into an accident. My van which we are making payments on is more than likely totaled. And even though I was cautious in my movement and saw that the man was turning right so I could turn left...I got the ticket cause he all of a sudden decided to go straight. So I get sacked with failure to yield. However the bright side we both walked away. I walked away with a bruised fingernail from the airbag, a cut on my foot from who knows what, seat belt rash on my neck, and a sore chest and shoulder. But I thank God that I walked away! The last day or so I have spent laying around or moping as my husband thinks, crying and etc. But it isn't tears of sorrow it's tears of gratefulness, and yet even now I realize some fear of my own mortality. I am so thankful to God that I am here with my children where I can love on them, watch them grow, listen to them, cook for them and etc. My worst fear is that I wont be able to grow old and watch them grow up so there in lies the fear..my mortality Friday night could have gone many different ways, it could have been way worse than a totaled car. My husband and family could be preparing for my funeral, I might not have been able to watch my children grow up, go to proms, graduate, get married..grand-kids...of all things in my life this is my worst fear! I could careless about my van insurance will take care of that and I find the blessing in it all that I am doing well just sore and I can hug my babies, tuck them in, talk to them and etc. The van is a piece of machinery that can be replaced human lives can't be. I'm also glad that the other person involved in the accident is alright too he can go home to his family. 
But I'll be the first to tell you yesterday was really trying me on top of all this stuff I have had to deal with cause these are pretty major issues and major feelings yesterday yall my toilets(FOUR OF THEM) were all backing up! I was like you have GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!! I worked and worked on them, Wayne helped a little too. We are honestly down to ZERO dollars in our bank account so we couldn't call anyone out to come help us and I was like God really really I can't really deal with anymore stress right now Father I just can't. So I tinkered a bit more and it may sound nutty to everyone else but I prayed lol I said Lord please oh please let this have worked we are broke and broken down. (Yall I felt silly praying over a toilet) But God please oh please let me be able to flush these toilets and let them function properly cause Lord there are seven of us in this house and we have to be able to use our bathrooms. I flushed the first one success and every other one after that success! Whew!You will never know how happy and relieved I felt! And yes I thanked him after each one flushed lol that's just how grateful I was I think we should be grateful in the big and the small things in life take nothing for granted. God is good, and he's good all the times even when we are going through trails and we may not see the good at the time. In time we'll see the good that was produced from our valley's we can't always bask on the mountain top but we surely can praise him from both the valley's and the mountain tops! So I will keep on stepping forward through the valley we are currently in till I am sitting on the mountain top and seeing just exactly what it is that I'm learning as I go through these hard times. I encourage each and everyone to always remember to keep walking in faith no matter what is going on around you.Eventually you'll see what God was up to! 

The Duggar's Baby Number 20

Well Michelle Duggar announced yesterday that she is expecting baby number 20! Big congrats to her and the Duggar family as they patiently await this new addition. I have been reading various news sources and have seen some varying opinions on her having so many children. People have been down right mean saying the family was dysfunctional, and for the life of me I don't see it they seem extremely functional to me, maybe it's just the lousy society we live in today where people think it's acceptable for teenagers to engage in premarital sex, do drugs, drink and curse out their parents. These kids are well behaved, well mannered, and being shaped into fine upstanding young adults that will contribute to society instead of being a drain on society! The Duggar's have my utmost respect, they teach their children values and morals in a society that is slowly losing all those things or quickly it seems lately. 
This family supports their selves and live debt free and they were living debt free before their show. They were providing for their family without any public assistance! People complain and say the older kids help too much or the older kids raise the little ones no the older ones most certainly do not raise them they do help as family should help each other. Nothing wrong with a family working together, since when should family not help each other? If you can't count on family then who can you count on? So the Duggar's don't depend on assistance, have raised well behaved children, and good God fearing people so why should anyone have anything to say on this subject really? People people people I'd rather Michelle Duggar have 20+ children and take good care of them than some bad person have one and not take care of them and abuse them and end up murdering them.

Praise Him Anyway

When life get's hard as it often does

do not turn and run.

Without any rain in life then how can

you appreciate the sun?



When life is filled with trouble and

you feel your hearts broken in two

turn to him for comfort as he

would have you do.



Don't lose your voice or praise when

the battle gets too long,

No praise him anyway for

he will keep you strong.





Praise him anyway because he has

a greater plan one that you don't know.

Praise him anyway because through

this battle he is with you and helping you to grow.



Praise him in the joyous times

and praise in him the sad.

Praise them when things are good

and even when things are bad.



For even when it seems he's

very far away..

he truly never really is all you have to

do is stop and take the time to pray.



You can reach him in the morning,

noon or even night.

All you have to do is turn the battle

over to him for he will win the fight.

The Test In My Testimony

So this is it, I'm typing which makes it even more real to me funny how things don't seem real to us or we can shove them to the side and forget about it until we put it in black and white in front of our eyes to see, for everyone to see. But I'm doing this not for me, but to share with others, maybe to warn them, maybe to save them because they too are going through their very own test, just so they know that no matter how far gone they think they are all hope is never lost that they to can make their way back to God and to where he wants them to be. God doesn't let bad things happen to us, what happens to us is not his fault it's just life and he gave us the free will to respond to our various situations as we see fit. Sometimes we make the right choices sometimes we don't make the right choices at the end of the day it's all up to us we can choose what is pleasing to God or we can choose what we view as pleasing to ourselves.
Lets go back like hmmm we'll say 10 years I was married to my ex husband then had my third child our son. My marriage was pretty much always abusive off and on before I had my son but this was the point where my test got harder. I was doing my best to live a good life, I was teaching Sunday school, going to church, trying to work on my marriage even though even then I knew we weren't going to make it we had already separated twice in our 10 year marriage. I had our son and I thought things would get better well I had hoped cause honestly in my heart of hearts I knew it wouldn't get better cause we already had two daughters together and well lets see it didn't get better with them either. But after having our son I got some test results back that were abnormal precancerous cells stage 3 in transition into cancer but not cancer, had to have biopsy's and a few other procedures. During that time with my failing abusive marriage and health issues and being an overwhelmed mother of three life was hard, I felt alone totally and utterly alone. My ex looked at me upon the diagnosis and said I'm not lucky enough for you to die wow here I am scared 27 years old with three children that belong to you and this is how you treat me, I don't know why I expected him to respond any differently maybe I had hoped somewhere that he would come to his senses and see that I needed him but no such luck. I felt alone though even at church with people who had known me since I was five years old. I didn't even feel God cared or was around my life spun into a black hole of nothingness the only people I had were my children at least that's how I saw it sure I know my family and close friends cared about me but I can't tell you exactly why I felt so alone. My world was crashing around me I realized that this marriage wouldn't ever be what I wanted it to be, my spiritual life was empty as well.So I decided that I was done I was finished which church and I resigned as Sunday school teacher I just didn't have it in me to teach or attend church my life was crashing around me my horrible marriage, my health and my sense of loneliness. I let it all go and I stepped off into waters I had no business in, I did not become an atheist I saw myself more as an agnostic.
Just so we are clear on the difference between an agnostic and an atheist here are the definitions:
Agnostic: a person who holds that the existence of the ultimate cause, as God, and the essential nature of things are unknown and unknowable, or that human knowledge is limited to experience. Synonyms: disbeliever, nonbeliever, unbeliever; doubter, skeptic, secularist, empiricist; heathen, heretic, infidel, pagan.
Atheist:1.the doctrine or belief that there is no God.
2.disbelief in the existence of a supreme being or beings.

See I believed that there was God or something more than just myself just what, who and etc I wasn't certain of anymore. My take on things became vastly different. My new found theory on Hell became this: There was no hell because I found living here on earth to be as close to hell as I could imagine, let me expound upon that to me my life was hell the only good in it were my children. My thoughts were in this life we watch those we love suffer, hurt, and die. We also suffer, hurt and die to me this was hell. With all the pain in the world how could this not possibly be hell. I allowed doubt to creep into my life and when doubt creeps in we question everything we ever believed or know to be true. I felt God had turned his back on me as my world crumbled, but now I know that it wasn't he that turned his back on me, it was I who turned my back and became blinded by my own problems my own issues. So after I developed this "Agnostic" view on life, I hung with some friends of mine who had views similar to this, they were Pagan/Wiccian's and I found their beliefs and practices intriguing and interesting as I've always found things like this interesting even as a teenager I use to love to study different religions, and beliefs. I admit it I even dabbled a little in their belief system while I was on my Agnostic trip. I drifted further way from what my heart of hearts knew was right. I listened to these people call Christian's sheep mindless sheep. I started to take on their point of views even while I wandered. I was going to school, raising my children, I got to the point in my marriage where I didn't care anymore I was done I was in counseling for a year for Panic Attacks, Anxiety and Depression because of my failing marriage. It's bad when you have a sense of dread when you have to be around the one you married. My ex wouldn't ever go with me cause it was "my problem" not "his" it was all my issues everything was always my fault. It's hard to get over years of being told your ignorant, fat, ugly, worthless,(insert a few swear words here) I was called everything but a child of God which at this time I wasn't even being a child of God. It's hard to get past being shoved around and choked, and cheated on betrayal in every imaginable form I felt worthless. But after a year of counseling and being in school and finding a little self worth it took one more time of him telling me how stupid I was when I finally snapped and said you know what your absolutely right and the stupidest thing I ever did was put up with you all these years I'm done we are over I'm filing for a divorce I wont live like this anymore. This time was different there was no turning back there was no going back I was done I wanted this divorce more than anything because he wasn't ever going to change he proved that time and time again. So here I was a single mom of three living on my own and going to school what an experience but for the first time in a long time there were no more panic attacks, there was no more anxiety and there was no more depression I had some peace in my life I didn't have to worry if he was going to go off the deep end, I didn't have to listen to anymore insults, I didn't have to feel like I wasn't good enough I was free, free to do what I want with my life, free to enjoy my children and my life.
Eventually I did pull myself away from my Agnostic views...because in my heart of hearts I knew there was but one God and I knew I didn't believe the same as my friends did, I knew better but yet I still did not return to God or living my life as I should, being the example I should have been as a mother.
After awhile of being single I met Wayne, wow is all I could say he was everything that my ex wasn't and that I wanted in a person to spend my life with. I was treated like a princess for the first time in my life and he loved my children as his own and he was good to them life was perfect and falling back into place in a way it had never been. You'd think I'd be thanking God for this but I was still busy doing whatever Lori wanted to do. So we got married, had Noah and then moved to England. This was the first big move of my life 30 years old and away from family, friends everything I ever knew and again I felt alone. Stress of work for Wayne, stress of being so far away from everything I ever knew and loved caused so much pain for both of us. We turned into people weren't when we met. Arguments about money, kids, life...it was bad. We couldn't agree on anything anymore and I was on the brink of leaving honestly. But I hung on hoping that things would get better when we moved back home to the US but, nope not so granted it wasn't as bad but it was far from great. Now I credit my wonderful God loving friends for having my back with their prayers for me and my family cause this time last year I was ready to punch the clock on our marriage. My life was lacking in so many ways I was not happy at all. My friends would tell me to just pray Lori, talk to God and pray and I was so far down and so far away I couldn't find the words I could not pray why would he listen to me now? I hadn't lived my life for him in years. To be sure God had no use to hear from me. They insisted pray Lori pray, I'm praying for you Lori and I thanked them because I just couldn't do it my mouth, my heart couldn't utter any prayer at all. Then one day and this is why this song means so much to me and why I love it so much I heard Praise You In The Storm by Casting Crowns and I cried my eyes out cause I knew through my storm, through my trials, God had never left me..I knew I was the one who turned my back on him he had not left me alone to suffer, to be miserable he was waiting on me to seek him and it was my choice to walk away. For the first time I could pray because I knew that he would hear me and that he would forgive me and that he would help me if I just let him. Here it is a year later, I have found a wonderful church full of wonderful people I love, I have found my way back to God and I promise this no matter what test I may encounter, no matter what twist or turns life may have I will go through them with God by my side I will never walk away again I will be whatever God wants me to be, I will do what he asks of me because I know that he is the constant in my life, unwavering, and will always see me through it all. My marriage isn't perfect but it's better than it was this time last year and we still have our issues but I'm still here and every time I feel like I've had it God gives me the strength to hold on and to try again so I know that this is where I'm suppose to be and I know in his time things will improve even more so. The problems me and my oldest use to have aren't as bad as they use to be and we are communicating better these days. For a long time I held hate and contempt in my heart against my Ex for everything he ever put me through, but with God in my heart I don't have room for hate and contempt and I have found forgiveness for him and our past as well, though I admit sometimes he'll say or do something that makes me angry over the last few months God has really helped me see that anger, isn't the way to deal with him, prayer is. Things are getting better I wish that I could better explain the peace I have within my heart these day's but truly I have no words to describe that to anyone other than it's a feeling of calmness, a feeling that no matter what we face it's going to be alright because God is in our lives. I wish everyone could know this peace it's so much better than anything I've ever had before in my heart. I'm taking a big risk putting this out here I have to be honest I have thought about writing this blog many times but I stopped because I feared being judged by others for my past, but honestly it's my past not my present and it does not define who I am now but it has helped make me who I am now and my sins of my past, my short comings have been forgiven by God who loves me and accepts me. I know I still have day's where I stumble..we all do if we are honest but when we have God in our hearts he calls us out those of you who know God and have him in your life know that's true when you say or do something that God would not agree with there is that voice that says now you know better than that and I am thankful for that voice it keeps me in check! For awhile I looked back and I felt like I wasted a lot of time running from God, but now I look and I see that it doesn't matter and I shouldn't look back at it as wasted time it was time I learned some lessons I needed to. I look at it as me getting so broken down that I only had one choice and that was to get down on my knees and look up and pray for God to bring me out of where I was and put me where I needed to be. So this blog has been written it may not be my best blog but it was something I needed to write and I needed to put out there to let someone know it doesn't matter how far down the wrong road you think you have traveled, God loves you and he is just waiting for you to come to him he hasn't turned his back on you he's patiently waiting for you to see that you do need him in your life. I wont say it'll be all roses and it'll always be easy because that's not the way life works but I will say this you will know peace, you will know love, and you will know forgiveness and all of that will make it better and worth it!

Do Your Possessions Possess You?

Let me start this note with a questions, do your possessions possess you? Do you own them or do they own you? Are you a slave to a material society?  In a recent disagreement with my spouse of all people these questions have been bouncing around in my mind. Why is everyone so worried about having more, getting more? What good does it really do you, can you take it with you when you leave this world behind? See I have always been a rather simple person not simple minded mind you but simple in respect to the way I'd rather live my life. I'm happy with having my bills paid, I'm happy with having a roof over my head and food in the house, a car to get me where I need to go. I don't have to have high end items they are meaningless to me I don't care if you wear this brand or that brand I buy what's on sale myself. There are so many people out there that don't have a home, food, or the ability to buy new clothes I feel if you have these things you should point blank just be thankful for what you have, you should count your blessings and not look with envy upon what others have because there are those who would be envious of what you have. For those who know my husband well enough yall know he chases that elusive boat and he was squawking yet again about wanting a boat and etc and it really bugged me. I told him to quit fixating on what he wanted and what others had and count his blessings because there are others who would love to be in his shoes, a warm house to come into, a truck to drive, food, and a family. I just can't wrap my mind around how people who have these things could ever get so fixated on wanting something else...can't take that boat with you when your time is up and until you appreciate what you have and understand just how blessed you are I imagine that boat will continue to elude you. At the end of this discussion he thanked me for bringing him back down to reality and humbling him just a little. So there's my big thought for today, do your possessions possess you? And if so don't you think that you might want to change that?

Thank You Lord

Thank you lord for days that seem endless...
Thank you for forgiving me because I know I'm not sinless.
Thank you for the blessings you have given me
Thank you for the troubles whatever they may be.
Thank you for my children each and everyone...
Thank you for the pain, thank you for the fun.
Thank you for the tears that heal and take away
Thank you lord for each and every day.
The good the bad, the happy the sad.
Each day it a new promise from you lord that I can try again,
that no matter how bad the day before was a new day can begin.
Thank you for walking with me each and every day,
Thank you for always having time to listen lord when I pray.
Thank you for my spouse even when we don't get along
Thank you for the music and giving my heart a new song.
Thank you for my family and friends though we might be far apart,
Thank you lord most of all for coming into my heart.
Thank you for your sacrifice thank you for what you gave
Thank you for not being there when the stone was moved from your grave.
But most of all I thank you lord for loving someone like me
for restoring my vision when I was lost and couldn't see.
For filling my heart with forgiveness and love
that could have only came from you above.
Thank you lord for all you do
 make me less like me  and more like you.
Lord help to do your will and always do whats right
to always let your love shine through me like a bright shining light.

---- Lori Metayer

Words Hurt Worse Than Sticks And Stones

It has been said "Sticks and Stones my break my bones but words will never hurt me", this saying couldn't be any further from the truth! To be honest as someone who has been in abusive situations, bullied as a child and married to an abusive husband (my ex not my hubby), I have to say I have shaken the physical pain a lot easier than the words that have been said to me through the years. Words DO hurt a lot worse than hitting am I saying go kick someones behind NO NO NO! We all should respect one another. Not one human being is better than another GOD loves us ALL not just you, or you, and not just me but EVERYONE the saints and the sinners, the good and the bad! His son was sent to die for each of us not just a select few! I can remember every single insult hurled at me growing up by my classmates, by my own grandfather most day's I'm good with it I have forgiven but they still bring tears to my eyes because words cut much deeper when I think about it and that usually happens when I have to deal with other kids being less than nice to my children, because I can relate to how they feel I know their pain so I hurt for them not for Lori I'm a grown woman now who can deal with almost anything life throws at me because of how I grew up and because of my experiences but I hurt for my kids and for other children too. Childhood shouldn't hurt it should be some of the most fun times of your life. My experience has built me up, made me stronger, made me more understanding of others and has given me wisdom in situations that I needed it.
But I can tell you today that I'd rather take on any pain for my children so they would never have to hurt of suffer because of others meanness! Are we really that wrapped up as parents in ourselves or our busy lives to not teach our children right from wrong, to correct them when they hurt others it don't have to be physical hurt but emotional hurt it all should always be addressed and corrected CHILDREN can not just be left to make the choices to do the right thing on their own it takes PARENTS stepping up and telling them what is right, what is wrong and correcting them!
I have dealt with stuff with my older two that I wouldn't wish on anyone because of the actions of other people's children! My oldest who probably will get mad at me for sharing this but I have to share it because I have to show others just how bad bullying is my oldest, has tried to OD on medication before, she use to be a cutter as well  as a parent some of you will never know how much that hurt me to see her feel so bad because of other people this is my baby she isn't perfect but she is MINE my flesh and blood and others making her feel less than what she is something that hurt me so deeply my baby I carried her for nine months and gave birth to her and she didn't feel her life was worth living because of OTHER PEOPLES CHILDREN! Praise God she doesn't do this anymore she has her moments she has a lot of anger built up over the years but we are working on that together she has a better understanding of herself and I believe a better understanding of God's love for her and I hope she never goes down that path again because she is loved and she is wanted and I will never stand for anyone making her feel inferior! In recent months I have dealt with my 14 year old being bullied and this from people she thought were friends I think this hurts worse than someone who never said they were your friends. Rumor mills and Burn Pages on facebook are BAD things I urge parents who have kids on facebook PLEASE check who your child is friends with! Someone posted something so mean about her on there about her I watched my baby girl curl in a ball and cry as if her heart was breaking and heard her say a familiar phrase I want to die...anger, hurt for her welled up in my heart she is my flesh I too carried her for 9 months and have loved her her WHOLE life. Some parents know the pain of dealing with hearing these words come out of their children's mouth and again I wouldn't even wish this on the parents of the kids inflicting the pain, this is more hurt and more pain than being picked on myself this is my baby and God intrust ME to take care of her and protect her. Thankfully God has given me the strength to pull it together many occasions and hold my babies and love them through their pain and tell them to pray for those who hurt them because they need all the prayer they can get! To forgive the ones that hurt them, to accept their selves for who they are and to know they are loved, they are special they are cared for. It doesn't matter if the world accepts them, it don't matter if so and so will be their friend popularity is highly over rated now being your own person is where it's at don't let others ever define you you define yourself. You live for what God wants you to do with your life and God never wants you to throw your life away over the ignorant words of another human being! Life is precious and fleeting make the most of your life! The advice I give my kids I would give anyone and it seems to be doing good. My children no longer give anybodies words power over their lives. My children are growing more secure in who they are. I have long had a theory that bullies, bully people simply because somewhere deep down there is something they feel inferior about something that is wrong with them that they don't want anyone to notice, I have had that theory validated just the other week when Adreanna came home and said mommy you know that boy that picked on me last year well I had to work with him in Science class today we had to do some reading together and mommy he can't read hardly this boy is in the 8th grade and can barely read that in itself is sad. She said mommy you were right about what you said about bullies, I said well you didn't laugh at him did you she said no mommy I helped him! My daughter is turning into a wonderful, loving and accepting person both of them are. When they are my age I imagine they will be stronger than I am now. I wish more parents took the time to care about their own children, and to correct their own children when they say and do harmful things to others. We live in a society where everyone is always on the go too busy to slow down, too busy to teach their children and correct them, some are just too self absorbed. But my greatest blessings are my babies and I'll never be too busy to listen to them, and in the same token I will never be too busy to correct them either, my kids are not perfect by any means but I will correct them if I find they are causing another human being pain I don't take that lightly. What spurred this blog of sorts another young life is gone all because of the others being cruel and vicious with their words. Another set of parents will lay their child to rest and a parent should never know the pain of burying a child that's my thoughts it has to be one of the single most painful things a parent can experience I pray to God that my kids know they are loved and it's okay to be whoever they are that I will love them and I will accept them. I hope my kids will never give anyone and their words that much power over their lives I pray that God will keep them strong and that they will understand that they are special that they don't have to be carbon copies of other peoples idea of perfect.

Pro Choice Or Pro Life

Well, here I am thinking again and feeling the need to write I like writing it helps get my thoughts out off of my mind and out there where I can see them, and where others can see them as well cause who knows maybe something I say may help someone else and well if something I say helps even one person then that's an extraordinary thing.

I was watching a video a friend posted today about a lady who's mother tried to have an abortion when she was expecting her at like around 7 months gestation. Amazingly this woman survived, God had other plans that much I am certain of! Life is a gift it really is I know there are those who scoff at that thought but those are the ones that I do pray for because they don't see how miraculous life is.
I myself have been on the pro-choice side for the greatest amount of my life, you'd think I wouldn't be but I always said well there are sometimes where it should be left up to the person like in cases of rape, incest, life endangerment and etc. I do not sit in judgement of those who make the choice that is God's place to judge them mind you. I though however feel my stance on the subject shifting some. If people knew my story my whole story they'd be amazed at how on earth I could have ever been pro-choice.
So lets go back to the end of 1973/1974 my mother found out she was expecting me, I was one of 4 or 5 pregnancy's of my mothers I was the last one. My older brother was her first born he survived he is also 14 years older than me, but between us there was another brother who was born early and died, and 1 or 2 other miscarriages, then me. My mother's doctor didn't hold out a lot of hope for me, he diagnosed my mother with possible cervical cancer and told her an abortion was her best choice because she was risking her life for a baby who probably wouldn't make it, wouldn't weigh more than 2 or 3 pounds and wouldn't be able to breath. My mother's doctor had my father talked into it because well he didn't want to lose her and lose me as well, I don't fault my father for how he felt I love him tremendously as he loves me as well but given the track record with my mom and the low survival rate I can see where either of them would have felt this choice was an option especially with her life in the balance. Mom told them to do what ever test they needed to do but an abortion was not anything she would be entertaining because this was her last chance at having one more baby that if God wanted her to have me she would. All though out her pregnancy she prayed, others prayed and she believed. Mind you my parents didn't attend a church the only thing close to what she had as a church or church family were a set of Jehovah Witnesses that did come around and study with her out of the Bible and prayed for her and even brought her meals on occasions out of the kindness of their hearts. Mind you mama was brought up Baptist too, but she so much like me accepts people for who they are while holding on to what she believes and who she is. So mom managed to make it to the date her c section was scheduled, the operating room was filled with doctors and nurses my incubator cause I was going to need it and all sorts of breathing tubes and etc I would need because I wasn't going to be able to do anything on my own I would need all these medical gadgets to sustain my life. At 5:01PM I was taken from my mothers body on August 12,1974 I was breathing on my own, I weighed around 8lbs and I was healthy amidst astonished doctors who had me down for the count, who didn't believe I'd ever make it into this world and if I did I'd struggle. But my mother believed and she felt I was worth the chance she would take with her own life. She risked it all for me, sometimes I don't feel I do enough to make her proud of me, however I know she is I feel there is more I should be doing, but what..I don't know. I'm seeking God for this answer I know it was him that blessed me with my life the one that helped my mother carry me to term. I know it is all his doing. My mother willing to lay her life down for me, his son laying his life down for me, I feel humbled, I feel unworthy yet driven to find a greater purpose driven to tell others what God has done for me even when I do feel unworthy. Life period end of discussion is a miracle nothing less than that, I'll never ever fault anyone for the choices they make I just ask them to think about it there are other options.

September 11, 2001 .... Ten Years Later...

I have seen many posts on facebook asking to repost this and repost that about remembering September 11,2001, I decided that I would wait till the day before of the day of, honestly there is so much horrible that goes on out there in the world that well it's heartbreaking and I am a person who has always been fine tuned to other people's emotions to the point that sometimes I can't watch the news or I can't watch tv cause I will either cry my eyes out or get madder than an old wet hen cause of some of the injustices that go on so for sanity's sake I block a lot and  kind of build my on cocoon so to speak.
Honestly I don't think anyone of us will ever forget that day, or where we were or what we were doing. I remember it clearly just as if it were yesterday and here we are 10 years later and I can't help but tear up as I type this thinking of all the sadness that surrounds this day in history. I remember dropping my girls off at school and taking Matthew to the daycare he was only six months old at the time, I had enough time to go to town and run some errands before I was to be at the college for my classes, when I turned on my radio and there was no music but the DJ's were talking about what was going on in New York I was floored, defiantly shocked beyond belief I mean come on here I was 27 years old and have never experienced something so tragic in those 27 years. I got out and went into the store to pick up some stuff and the ladies started talking about the other plane going down in the field and cause at first I just thought wow what a horrible accident I didn't know then it was a terrorist act.  More shock sat in I recall tears came to my eyes and fear came to my heart and all I could think about were my three babies and all the craziness that was going on in this country and how I had always felt safe and comfortable and all of a sudden that safety and that comfort was gone. I decided I wouldn't attend my classes that day instead I went to the school I signed my girls out went back to the daycare and picked up Matthew and just went home cause more than anything I needed to be with them cause in my mind who knew what would happen next but no matter what happen next I was going to be with my babies, my reason for breathing I had to be with them. I was heartbroken for all the families that lost their loved ones, children that wouldn't know a parent or two parents, spouses left behind, parents left behind all the ones left behind my heart-ached for their loss. I have a high amount of empathy and sympathy for those who went through that first hand their pain is tremendous. Though then I didn't know that those acts of 9/11 would effect me in other way's years later after I divorced my older three's father and married Wayne. Since September 11,2001 I have stayed behind cared for children and a home and gone through part of a pregnancy alone while my husband was over in Iraq, pregnancy is emotional even as someone who isn't married to a military man but you add finding out your pregnant one month and ship your husband off to Iraq the next and just see how emotional you get. I can't even think of that deployment without tearing up even still. I had to manage to hold my emotions together and care for kids and all the stuff that goes along with being a military spouse. Scared, worried doesn't even cover it but we made it through and if he has to go again we'll make it through with God's help, it's his job and it is my job to take care of what he has to leave behind. So tomorrow I will remember those who lost their lives on September 11,2001, the families who were left behind, and the ones that have fought and died and the ones that are still out there fighting. May comfort and peace be with them all today, tomorrow and every day that comes after.

Love Is The Greatest Doesn't Mean That It's The Most Painless Though....

1 Corinthians 13
Love Is the Greatest
 1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.
 4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
 8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 9 Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! 10 But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.
 11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.[c] All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
 13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

I have written anything of my own in awhile on here copies of emails and etc been busy with kids, school, and working on some lyrics so I haven't focused much time or energy on my note section. While talking to a friend about love and marriage it made me reflect on myself, my situations in life past and present. It reminded me of quotes from here and there that I have heard and I have liked and some that have hit home rather hard at times. Love is by far one of the greatest of our human emotions it can take us from the bottom of the valley to the top of the mountain, however love turned sour can put is right back in that valley. It isn't a painless emotion by any means, but I've come to find that it is worth the pain that we have to experience from time to time. To love someone truly we must accept that person for who they are and for all of their imperfections, we are all very far from being perfect I know some people may love to think that they or their loved one or loved ones are perfect but the truth is we are not perfect. To truly love someone is to even love them with their imperfections all the while knowing and understanding that even you have your imperfections as well. How great it would be if everyday of our lives could be spent feeling what we felt the day we fell in love with our significant others there would be no divorces or broken homes, there would be no children without both parents in the home life would be perfect. I think though what helps get through the rocky parts of a marriage is remembering that time when you knew that you knew that this was indeed the real deal that it was true love and what made you love that person the most. A quote that I like about marriage is this:

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."

~Mignon McLaughlin
It is true we may not like everything about each other, we may fuss, we may fight because we are different we are not the same. But to succeed we do have to keep loving that person although as I like to tell Wayne I love you but sometimes I just don't like you too much lol What happens when we stop falling in love with this person over and over again is what leads to divorce, communication is a must. If you can't talk to your spouse and you can't tell him or her what your needs are, what you want out of life and out of your marriage, if you can't say hey you know what you said really hurt me then I guess it just isn't going to work. There are times in a marriage where I guess you just can't talk to the other spouse cause I know I've come across those times with Wayne when I have something I need to say but he just doesn't want to hear it sometimes we have to wait till the other is ready to hear what we have to say and if they love us there will be some quiet time where we can discuss things. Sometimes even adults need a time out it isn't just for children y'all!
But as much as we may love to point out what is wrong with one another it is very important we don't get stuck there because that will kill any of those lovey dovey feelings we have to point out what is RIGHT about our significant other. No one wants to hear your terrible at this or that or I don't like it when you do this we need some form of knowing that we are doing something right in our relationship yes some form of validation I guess you could call it or appreciation. If I constantly tell Wayne how horrible he is, how much he does wrong what are the chances he isn't going to want to be around me, and vice versa if he is constantly telling me the same things how quickly will I start to look for an exit? No one wants to hear all the negative aspects of their personal selves all the time. I'm not saying that you shouldn't share these things with your significant other no we need to know what we do that causes irritation or pain so we can work on fixing ourselves but we need to hear what we do right as well. The key to a happy marriage lies in being able to talk to each other constructively and loving each other faults and also forgiving one another  and all I forget these things myself from time to time...I think at times we all forget....

Love The Sinner....Hate The Sin....Or Something Like That

In God's city, the inhabitants love people and walk on gold; while in mans city, the inhabitants love gold and walk on people.-Jason Strand 

Ever hear that old saying love the sinner hate the sin, I feel though hate is a bad emotion and should never be used. Hate takes too much emotion and if you hate something like a sin then in my life it seems that it'll spill (Hate) over into other area's of my life. So I'd rather just not give the sin in someones life any of my emotions so I'd rather say love the sinner (we all are sinners) and dislike the sin. Everyday most of us sin at some point in the day, we might lose our temper with someone, lack patients, we might not live up to having a Christ like attitude, but everyday we should strive more to be like him and less like our sinful selves.  I found the quote I started my blog with online while I was just looking around and though so true, many of us are guilty of valuing possessions, money and etc over each other this is wrong we should love each other no matter what. I had people tell me before I don't know how you can be friends with so and so they practice this belief system or I don't know how you can be nice to so and so because they do this that and the other... how could I not befriend others or be nice to them or love them as Christ loved and loves ALL of us. My favorite bible verse was the very first one I memorized as a child at VBS: For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.-John 3:16 this verse doesn't say that For God so loved Lori, Steve, Kelly, Billy Bob or Sue but for God so loved the WORLD. So if he can love this whole great big world and it inhabitants they why can't we? Why must we judge others? Why must we even feel the need to Jesus loved many who were lost in their sinful selves. Why do we think we are so much better than those who do not know Christ as their personal savior, were we not lost in sin once upon a time? Did he not stoop down to where we were and lift us up out of that dark hole of sin?

God Forgives and God Loves Us All

God is a forgiving God, and for that I am thankful! Awhile back a friend and I were at odds over some stuff that I just couldn't swallow the fact that God could love someone that could do so many bad things, murder, rape and etc...how could my God love anyone like that like he loves me! My mind couldn't wrap around that. Me a mother of five children, someone who has never harmed anyone on purpose sure I know I have probably hurt people's feelings but never really meant to but basically I have a squeaky clean past and I haven't committed any crimes at all. How could God love someone like Osama Bin Laden. I was so not understanding my friend or where she was coming from at all not even a little bit my heart and my head didn't want to believe that God could care for the evil, and corrupt people out there in this world. But finally this week it sunk in and I finally got it. After the ruling of the Casey Anthony trial and she was found not guilty and I had been reading news boards, message boards posts by Christians saying they hope she burns in hell, and how they wished they would have "fried her" it hit me I got it and it hurt me to see people proclaiming to be Christians saying such nasty things.They shouldn't be saying such things they should be praying for her soul, praying for the truth, praying for what is right and just in this world not praying for another human beings demise when there wasn't enough evidence to convict her. She might not have been the best mother in the world I'm sure she wouldn't be up for mother of the year I'm sure she neglected her at times probably for her own selfish ways, it has been proven that she lied but people lie often, there are other bad parents out there but none of them have murdered their child. Who is to say she murdered hers? She is God's to judge in the end, and if she seeks forgiveness for her sins she too will be welcomed into heaven because our God is a forgiving God, a loving God and he doesn't want not a single soul to be lost to Satan. We shouldn't rejoice in anyone's death, or anyone's life being in jeopardy we should be praying for them. It's sad when anyone dies harder when it's a small child but when we step away and look at the bigger picture if we believe in God then we know that Caylee is in heaven with her heavenly father and she is at peace, she is not in pain, she is not suffering  at all. Casey will have to be stuck here earth bound and having to live with what has happen to her child be it at her hands, or due to her neglect. And other Christians pointing fingers wanting her to burn in hell is no better than a murderer 1 John 3:15 Anyone who hates another brother or sister is really a murderer at heart. And you know that murderers don't have eternal life within them.  Remember yall things are sometimes not what they seem you know part of the story you don't know all of the story but our God does know it all! Do not rejoice in anyone's death do not hold hate or contempt in your heart for another person for God loves us all even the wicked.

Watching God Work

This week has been a phenomenal week for my family!All I can do this afternoon is give God the glory for it all! Wow I can't believe that I held on to so much for so long and tried to fix everything myself when all I had to do was let God take charge of it all. All I had to do was take my hands off of the mess my life had become and all I had to do was ask, pray and believe.My 14 year old Adreanna spent the week at Crossroads camp with her youth group I prayed adamantly everyday that God would move in my child's life and the other children's live not only did my little girl give her heart and soul to the lord but there were many others as well! Nothing but pure tears of joy are rolling down my cheeks as I type this to watch God move and work is a glorious experience.Today my oldest came to church with us Katie swore to me that she would and I quote "Never step foot in church with me." I knew then and I know now God has the power to change many things if we ask him and we believe in him. I will continue to pray that God will continue to work on my family we have come so far! She even graced us with her presence at lunch today and she normally doesn't eat meals with us at the table anymore. My husband and I also celebrated our seventh anniversary yesterday when just last summer I had, had it I was fed up and I was ready to give up on us.But look what God has done our relationship has gotten better it isn't perfect but it's no where near it was this time last year. I know there will come moment's of unhappiness, there will be downs but I also know no matter what God hears my prayers and God will answer I just have to be patient and believe.In the meantime I will just chill and watch God work!

The Story Of Us

In honor of my fast approaching Anniversary I figured I'd blog about it! I know the next few day's I'll be busy so there is no time like the present! 
My husband Wayne and I will celebrate out 7th wedding anniversary this Saturday July 2nd. Seven years ago we said I do and wow wee I had never loved any man more than I loved him on that very day! We got married after dating for nine months (I also should ad we were friends 2 months or so prior to our first date), some may consider that fast but well it's working for us at least it has seven years! Most of my close friends know how Wayne and I met but for those of you who don't I'll share with you, I met Wayne online ha ha! Yes on a website known as hot or not. Basically I had a friend who dared me to put my picture on there so I did users could rate your picture (now mind you I did not nor do I now consider myself hot lol I lean more towards not but this was just a joke between two friends) if you wanted to interact with other users you had to have a paid account, I did not have said paid account cause it was just fun and giggles and this just for the record was a picture of my face lol! Well Wayne and some buddies were bored in Kuwait and they decided they would upload pictures, Wayne had the paid account ha ha ha! And he liked my picture and sent me an email with his yahoo address so we would chat online about our day's and what we had been up to. Eventually those chats on yahoo IM  lead to a phone call, we'd chat for hours and hours on the phone and I'm not a phone person I'd rather text, chat in person, chat online or email! So he finally decided to ask me out after a few months of talking as friends. And I of course accepted I remember our first date it was when the newer Texas Chainsaw Masicar had came out and nothing screams romance like a good horror film lol so we had a nice dinner at the Texas Roadhouse and hit up the Texas Chainsaw Masicare got some coffee after and shopped around some of the stores. Then we decided we'd get together the next night to watch a WWE pay per-view yes I use to watch that junk as some probably would call it lol! So we drove to his place so I'd know where to show up after that I was on my way home and I was beaming with happiness cause we really clicked. From our first date we became inseparable, every bit of free time we had was spent together. Finally when I knew that I knew it was something that would last I let him meet my older three children and when he did meet them I couldn't have asked for someone else to ever treat my kids as good as he did they hit it off! He gave him attention, time and love that even their own biological father didn't. Eventually I got to meet his daughter and we hit it off and the kids all seemed to as well. Well fast forward a bit I lived like an hour away from Wayne so he had to do some traveling to come visit me and I was on a fixed income so I traveled what I could. After I graduated with my Associates he asked me to marry him, no..no big fancy popping of the questionl he took his daughter all the way back to her mama's about an hour away and drove back to my place just to ask me to marry him. However I do have to say there was this one time I thought he was going to ask me to marry him lol but he turned something sweet and romantic....into fishing I should have known really seriously we were out to eat and he was holding both my hands looking into my eyes saying how much he loved me and how he didn't know what he'd do without me and how he never wanted to lose me then he said I have something I want to ask you yes you know I was thinking he was going to say will you marry me or something along those lines but he said looking deeply into my eyes, Honey, can I have a bass boat! I just laughed at him what-else could you do lol! Anyways lets get back to the original story I'm very ADD like from time to time. But he came back and asked me that night and of course I said yes. We started looking at houses and finally found a house to meet the needs of our family of three plus one over other weekend that we loved I still get teary eyed when I think about our first house I miss that place and time too! So we had a home we closed on the house June 28th. We didn't have a big wedding with having 4 kids to take care of who had the money for that stuff I joked and said some girls get an engagement ring I got an engagement house!  So we took two of our close friends and we headed to the court house in Fayetteville,NC on July 2, 2004, we filed for our marriage license cause there is no waiting time you just have to have your paperwork in line when you get there. But after doing that we learned the magistrate wasn't at the courthouse that day but instead at the new detention center and if we wanted to get married well that's where we had to go. So off we went with our friends Michael and Jaime with Michael singing as we walked out of the courthouse to head to the dentition center..."Your in the jailhouse now...." How fitting for marriage some people would think lol! So we made it to the dentition center said our do's and the rest as they say is history. We have had many many ups and downs. There was a time I didn't think we'd make it but we have survived the tests of time, kids and each other! I love Wayne dearly, completely and with every ounce of my heart, and soul. Even when he makes me so mad there is no one else on this earth I'd rather be mad at than him! Over the last seven years our family has grown from a family of  4 kids 2 adults to 6 kids and 2 adults. Although we don't get to see his daughter she is still a part of our family, she always will be, we love and and miss her but the life of a teenager is a busy one. So Happy Anniversary to my sweetheart I love you more! xoxo

Prayer Changes Things

     I am sitting here today to tell you that yes prayer does change things! I in my life have strayed very very far away from God I went from being a Sunday School teacher to someone who started practicing a totally different belief system, and have found my way back to God where I should have always been. I also believe sometimes we wander just to learn lessons we need to learn. But I have known weather I admitted it my whole life that prayer does change things.
     Way before I was even born prayer changed things. My mother has two children my older brother and myself. Between us she had one boy that died an hour after birth he was premature, and at least two miscarriages that I know of before me. She found out she was expecting me after she had picked on her friend who was pregnant saying my son will be grown and here you are fixing to have another one just so you know my brother was about 15 years old when I was born.Well a week or so later low and behold mamma found out she was expecting me. The doctors assured her I wouldn't make it if I did I'd weigh maybe 3 lbs and would be lucky to breath on my own. They told her she had Cervical cancer and that she should just abort me and save herself because given her past track record she wouldn't carry me to term. Well my father being a man in love with his wife and worried for her life tried to talk her into it, not because he didn't want me but because he was scared of losing her and me and I totally get that I love my daddy dearly I am a daddy's girl and I have always had him wrapped around my finger. But my mother told them she did not have cancer that she wasn't buying into that and they could do the biopsy's but she was not aborting her last chance of a having a little girl but at this point she would have loved a boy just the same. My mother prayed and prayed along with family members and other people as well that I would be born healthy. Well doctors did the procedures they needed to they told her the risks and she said to them what is meant to be. Well procedure was done, and I obviously survived that. During her pregnancy my mother prayed God please let me have this one baby. Well August 12, 1974 rolled around and my mom was scheduled for a C Section now since I was only going to weigh 3 pounds and not be able to breath the OR was loaded with doctors, nurses and my special bed because you know I was going to need some machines to do my breathing. At 5:01PM they took from my mothers body, a baby girl who weighed over 8 pounds and was breathing so well she could scream, the doctors just didn't understand it why was I healthy well my mamma could tell you right now she knows why. All that medical staff wasn't even needed because a great physician was on call when my mother and others prayed for me.
    Now as a mother myself now that I have found my way back to God (another story for another time)I have seen what prayer can do! Even when I had lost my way and was on a totally different path and going through some rough stuff with my oldest daughter and Wayne. At my lowest of lows though I can remember friends telling me Lori just pray about it but I was so down on everything love, faith, and all the good things that I said and quiet honestly it was how I felt I just can't pray for myself or for anyone I just can't even muster a single prayer on my behalf, thank God they could though and I know right now that it was those friends of mine who could pray who reached down deep and prayed for me until I could do it for myself. Ever hear that old gospel song Somebody Prayed For me I can't help but think of them every-time I listen to it. They pulled me out of where I was and trust me if you knew where I was you'd be like do what? Funny how God can pick up someone dust them off and make them like new. But as I was saying as a mother lately I have been praying for my oldest we have had some supper hard times she has put me through it she has said things, done things that as a teenager I would have never said or done. But she has slowly started to change as I have been praying for her asking God to help me with my baby because I fell that partly the reason she is the way she is can very well be counted as my fault because I turned away from God and I lost my faith. She had numerous issues at the schools her time in England in the High School, here at Sumter High School and at Lakewood. She couldn't seem to find the right crowd to be around and she would follow where others lead. She disobeyed and defied me every chance she has gotten. This also caused issues in my marriage as well.I had started to worry that I'd never get her through high school, I worried because she wanted to get married after she turned 18, she wanted to start a family and all that stuff. She didn't care much about college she didn't think beyond living for today. My heart broke because I know how much potential she has when she applies herself. I didn't like watching the direction her life was going. I didn't like the direction my marriage was going. But since I found my misplaced faith and put it firmly back where it belonged to begin with things are so much better. My marriage that was close to me walking out of it just last summer is doing well of course we still spat every married couple does but nothing worth walking out on each other over. As for my oldest I pray for her daily as I do all my children, but I see in her my prayers are being answered this week she shown how much she has matured and making good choices for herself. She has decided to put off marriage until after college which means my baby girl will have a better start than I did in her marriage. Awhile back she snuck off and got a tattoo (underage mind you without my consent) and now she wants me to look into getting it removed also mind you I don't mind tattoos I have three myself but I didn't like the placement, I didn't like the lying and ect she did. But she has decided on her own that it needs to come off, I am so proud of her and I thank God that he does answer prayers because I know he has been answering mine. I have faith that one day soon my prayer for her to come to church with me and for God to draw her closer to him will be answered. Prayer yes it does change things it has for me time and time again even when I turned away and sitting here I know now it wasn't that he turned away from me when I was going through all the bad stuff it was I that walked away. Right now I can promise this I'll never walk away again no matter what tries to shake my faith I will always remember that prayer changes things. I will remember that what my grandma Widener use to say is true, God will never give you more than you can bare! Oh my grandma use to tell me that and I can still remember saying I think he misjudged when he overloaded my plate!But she was absolutely correct he doesn't give you anymore than you can bare and he doesn't leave you there hanging either to deal with it all, all you have to do is trust in him.

Thankful For The Bad Stuff

I have been thinking, I do that sometimes, yes I know hard to believe right? We often speak about the easy things in life we are thankful for, family, friends, home, food, life but seldom are we ever thankful for anything bad. Bare with me you may find this crazy or insane but I think we should be thankful for the bad stuff as well in life! I am thankful for those who ridiculed me growing up as a child the people in school right on down to my very own flesh and blood grandfather. All because I was fat, I was different I didn't fit their molds of what they thought was normal. Mind you at the time I wasn't thankful for any of this, it is with age that I have looked back and understood and saw what I got from this! What did you get  you might ask? I got stronger, sure I went home every day and cried and cried, but I had parents that loved me and consoled me and stood by me and loved me no matter the size of my jeans! Besides getting stronger what else did I get I got understanding for others I developed a great sense of understanding for other people who may not be someones idea of perfect, I also gained compassion for others as well. I also was taught tolerance for others differences during this time of my life. I also got a great group of real friends that have stuck by me through thick and thin they aren't many they are few but they are true and they have always accepted me no matter what. I want to ad, I have also learned forgiveness from these experiences as well. I am thankful that I was taught forgiveness because I have needed forgiveness as well in my life, haven't we all?
I am thankful for the 11 years I was married to my ex husband it was 11 years of ups and downs mostly downs. It was riddled with verbal abuse, emotional abuse and physical abuse. The bright side to this first and foremost is I have three beautiful children that I love so much more than I could have ever imagined loving another human being. But what good can come out of abuse? Well some good can come out of just about anything if you try to see it. In those years I didn't see it then but he made me stronger too. I learned to stand up for myself, I learned that I am worth so much more than I ever gave myself credit for. I learned self confidence, oh how can that be some might say you didn't have much self confidence if you were taking that abuse, no not at first I had no self confidence no self esteem I felt just about as bad as anyone could feel about their self! But I found my feet, my confidence and my self worth, I held my head high and walked away with my three children.  I faced my life as a single mom finishing her associates degree raising three kids I found in me the courage to face whatever may come my way. So I am thankful for that time of my life.
I am thankful for the years I strayed away from God, crazy that might sound to some, insane, nuts whatever you wanna call it. It was those years that I learned that the times I thought I was alone, that no one cared the years I lost my faith and my walk with God. The years I ventured into waters I had no business in. The years my marriage to my husband was strained. It was those years that I found my faith, I learned I was never truly alone even when I ventured where I didn't need to be when I knew the truth and what was real. I am thankful that today I can sit here and type this and know that God is always with me even in my darkest moments. That even though I turned away from him at one point he never turned his back on me. He allowed me to venture out and away and let me learn these lessons I needed to learn so that I could come back to where I needed to be. I believe that this taught me even more compassion, tolerance, love and faith. And for that I am thankful! Though these experiences seem bad, hard, difficult and just plane horrible to others and some may not understand why I would be thankful for them I have to say these things are what made me who I am. I may not be anyone's idea of normal, perfect, or any other term of the like you would want to throw out there but I am exactly who and what I need to be I may stumble, I may fall but I know who will be there to pull me back up every single time I need him to, and for that...I am thankful.

A Letter To My Children

I wont pretend to have all the answers; but I'll do my best to find the right ones for you when I don't have the right answer for you that's what google is for right.
I wont promise life will be easy cause we both know it's not, life is one of the hardest and the absolute longest thing you'll ever do but I'll tell you right now there are moments in that life that will make it well worth every bit of every little thing you go through!
Life should be lived and enjoyed not feared and worried away!
You have a home as long as you choose to make it your home I brought you into this world and I know one day you'll leave the proverbial nest and spread your wings. But what I  want is to know that you can stand on your own two feet, I want to know that you are happy and enjoying your life and living it to the fullest. I want to know that who ever you make your husband or wife (for my sons) that they are truly 100% dedicated to you and that you are to them and that you both want to work to make a marriage work. Believe me marriage and relationships are far from easy but they too are worth it when it's the right one! I want you also to know that though I am not perfect and I haven't always been the best example but I have and will always try to share where I went wrong and how I could have made it better in an effort to keep you from making those mistakes. I know you wont always listen and follow my advice but I will always try as your mother to put that out there for you.  I know I am flawed, I am only human we all are flawed.
I have learned that in life sometimes we have to find what we believe in, who we are, what we want to become and what all we want to do without lives I have found it is better to make these discoveries while your young and not responsible for other people other than yourself. I have also learned that where I failed in my youth to put my trust in God and let him help me with my issues that I made things only that much harder. It isn't easy to let things to and trust in someone else to sort it out but it works out so much better when you do! I know I haven't been the perfect example of what a "Christian" is or should be but I do believe I have shown you what it means to be a good person and I know in your heart of hearts that you know what it means to be a good person and to love other people without judgement. I may never be that picture perfect example but I hope that I will be good enough!Also don't compromise yourself for anyone or anything! Stick to what you know is right. Also when it comes to friends remember to have a friend you have to be a friend we wont always like choices our friends make chances are there are choices you will make your friends wont like but you have to overlook some things in life and understand that friendship and love should be unconditional items.
I hope that you have an easier life and a better life, I hope that you never want or need for anything, I hope you find true happiness and peace. I hope you learn to love and accept yourself for who you are!  I hope that if you look deep within yourself and don't like what you see that you have the strength and the knowledge to change what you don't like.  I wish for you more blessings than hardships but even when those hardships arise I wish you faith and strength enough to make it through them. All any mother truly wants is for her baby to be happy, they don't want to hold them back they just want to hold them. There comes a time when your baby doesn't want you to hold them anymore then that is when you hold them in your heart and that is why when they reach a certain age and they do certain things it hurts so very bad, you wish that when they are having a hard time you could scoop them up and hold them and make every little bad thing go away. One day when you have your very own little girl or little boy you'll do some of the same things I did, say some of the same things I said and wish some of the same wishes I have wished. One day you'll understand everything even though your little one will think you understand nothing.
One of the biggest things I want you to know and understand do NOT ever settle for less than you deserve have I said this before? Yes will I say it 100 times more yes you bet your bottom I will! Sometimes for some reason we don't feel worthy of love, sometimes we don't feel like we deserve the best, sometimes we get scared we wont find what we are looking for and we settle I'm here to tell you, you will find what you deserve don't settle for less than that if you do you will be a miserable person. Someone who loves you as much as you love them, someone who wants to make you smile, make you laugh, someone who will console your fears, someone who will listen to you, talk to you, be your best friend someone who knows you like the back of their hand. Do not ever feel so lowly about yourself that you leap for the very first person that uses those three magic words...I Love you! Too many people make that mistake! Value yourself enough to keep on going when you don't feel like things are working out with someone cause the chances are in the end you wont be happy and neither will they. Remember I tell you these things because I care and want you happy..because I loved you first from the very first moment I knew you existed and I always will no matter what you do or where you go no matter how old and grown you think you are you will always be my babies I will always be your mommy and I will always want what is the best for you! Why am I writing this to you my children because I want to make certain I put it out there and say everything I need and want to say to you!
You all are my world and I thank God for each of you, I always thought when I had children it was going to be a lot of work teaching you all you needed to know but you know what you have taught me far more than I could ever have imagined possible.